End of an Era

It has been awhile since I've posted on this godly site and things have happened, so I guess I should update. I have been lazy with this particular post which I started over a month ago, the spelling and grammar is shit.

LATE NOVEMBER

Wedge 2009
It had been a year since we last ventured north to the sea-side playground called Wedge. After last years ordeal I vowed never to return as the lawless streets of Wedge seem to bring the worst out of me. Last years wounds were healed with time so I decided I would head back with the crew, just to relax and let loose after my penultimate year of uni. Only seven of the Hills Hood crew made the journey after Trav made a late withdrawal, because he hadn't completed his thesis. I've always thought that I was pretty bad when it comes to procrastinating but leaving your thesis til the week before it's due is in another league. Anyway back to Wedge.

I was actually pretty disappointed and shocked when I found out the news but I soon got over it.

Wedge was really nice and relaxing; we pretty much had the whole town to ourselves. Basically spent most of the time at the beach, sandboarding, drinking, general fucking around and taking the piss out of Goat (Just kidding man). The second day a couple of us headed back to Lancelin in Jism's beast, it was fucken crazy! It was seriously hot..had to push the car out of the sand at least three times..then run after the car and we got fucking lost and spent 40 minutes in the middle of the bush with no shade. Jism bush-bashed pretty badly through quad tracks for awhile but we eventually made it to Lancelin. It was a lot of fun...maybe not so much at the time, but it makes for a good story.














I have pretty much always just shat outside at Wedge...I think it's a combination of laziness and comfort and the fact that the shack toilet smells disgusting! I don't even try to hide the fact that I do it, like I pretty much go wherever i.e. driveway, road etc. It seems like this little fad started to catch on big time during this trip. Everyone except two of the more civilised residents, were shitting outside as well. They even started to grasp the concept of 'Extreme Shitting' whereby everyone tries to out do the others by shitting somewhere even more daring than the previous attempt. For the history of 'Extreme Shitting' Click Here.














Back to where I was before. I really enjoyed just relaxing at the beach, going sandboarding during the evening, watching the sunset whilst sitting on the dunes and just general fucking around with good company (I'm not gay).

One thing that I feel that I really should mention in this section, is to do with Goat's behaviour (how unlike me to make mention of Goat). Goat is a good friend of mine, and all within the Hills Hood community. However, I just don't think I can go on without commenting on his unusual behaviour at Wedge.





























On the last night of the trip, everyone was getting a little bit drunk and having a good time dancing like idiots, fucking around and getting a little frisky. However, Goat was not joining in the festivities but ostracizing himself from the group and acting very strange. I have seen Goat act strange before but this was the first time in awhile I had seen such extreme antics. I will give you a brief rundown about what I'm talking about:
(These are approximate times)
7:30 - 8PM Goat sits inside, eats dinner by himself, occasionally makes token appearance outside
8 - 9PM Goat does something seedy in his room, makes occasional visit outside and explains that he is sick
9 - 9:40PM Goat starts practicing cricket shots with a cricket bat in the kitchen, answers every question directed his way with a non-related cricket remark i.e. "Oi Goat are you gonna come for a swim later man?"
"Gotta watch those lofted coverdrives" (Goat says this as he has a practice swing with a cricket bat)
9:40 - 10:15PM Goat locks himself in his car and cranks music to max volume, still unresponsive
10:15 - 10:45PM Turns on his ignition and goes crazy driving, Lodge and I jump in to make sure he does nothing too extreme, I get out after 5 mins because of severe car sickness. Goat comes back unharmed, Lodge a little shaken
10:45 - 11:25PM Makes 'Quick' phone call in the sand dunes to sister and Trav (might even have been longer than 40 minutes)
11:30PM We all tell Goat that we can't wait any longer for him and head off to the beach for a late night swim, as we leave we hear glass bottles and cans being smashed and Goat grunting loudly out of frustration for some reason

















Maybe my recollection of these events are a little biased, but I'm sure anyone else there would agree that his behaviour was a little weird.

DECEMBER

Hidden Creek
Since footy wound up in September, I have finally had time to go back to the sacred spot known as Hidden Creek. It is actually a really nice place to go to in Summer to drink export. The crew has been hitting it up a bit during the evenings to discuss usual HH topics. The dodgy Hills brigade even attempted to ambush the two Hood boys but failed pretty miserably because they are from the Hills and one of them is a Mexican. Goat has even incorporated Hidden Creek into his fitness regime, running there Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings around 6PM...so if you want 2 ambush him, that would be the time to do it!

Metros/Goat's Cricket Game
One night, the entire Hills Hood minus Goat went to Metros Freo, after cheering on Goat at his cricket game. The night wasn't bad, think everyone was pretty smashed...think it would have been better and certainly a lot more interesting if Goat had tagged along. Cricket game was Hi-Larious! Trav made a banner (Funny Banner Photo) and we hurled a fair bit of support (i meant abuse) Goat's way. I seriously did not give a fuck haha...poor Goat, just can't escape us.

JANUARY

SouthBound
SouthBound was really, really good! Camping for 3 days, drinking, dancing and fucking around. It was seriously good! I got evicted for having an extremely big cock (forgot I had 3 bottles of alcohol down my pants) within two hours of arriving but faked out the fat bitch security guard with a fake wristy and got back in. Bird ran riot in the Vodka tent breaking those plastic, illuminated coffee tables things and also tearing the balloons off the roof. We had a really good crew so yeah, it was pretty awesome. Makes you realise how much better having fun with your mates is than work and anything else.

















Jeff's Wild Celebrations
Fuck, what a crazy night. Just going to briefly touch on this. Bird talked Sparrow and myself into sharing a 1L bottle of smirnoff, in the hour before we headed out for Jeff's Bday. WE REALLY GOT FUCKED UP! Sparrow threw up everywhere in the Brass Monkey within minutes of arriving. The sink was overflowing from his vomit. Bird got rowdy like usual, sniped some fuckhead in the head. We then left the Brass Monkey...this is where my memory gets really blurry. I threw my phone at the footpath several times (it is really fucked up). Got kicked out of the Deen, screamed and shouted really loudly...I don't remember this shit but Jism and Trav have informed of me of how fucked I actually was. I tried to get into another nightclub but blew .248 or .284...I don't know. Clint from footy found me on a bench, throwing my wallet in front of cars and making them stop. He rightfully threw me into a taxi and sent me home.

I got out of the Taxi around 2am i think, I woke up on the side of Welshpool rd around 4am with my wallet and bank cards scattered across the verge. I was really fucked, when I saw Jas the next morning he clearly was too. Bird drove to maccas when he got home that morning...drove through a couple of roundabouts...such a C-razy night!

Anyway, I felt I should finish this post off since I promised I would. At least now I can move on and write a more up-to-date blog next time.

Hills Hood needs to take it to the next level

Hello readers from Norway to Canada, Lesmurdie to Forrestfield, Kalamunda to Kenwick, Italy to Wattle Grove,

As it can be seen from the title, I think the hills hood name is fledgling and we need to get this place pimping. I think at the moment we are not taking the opportunity to take advantage of the full business potentials of such a magnificent blog website. I think with the correct business ideas, each member of the hills hood could easily become millionaires almost making scott and goats bet many years ago void.

My idea is that we register as a business, travel over to bali or some dodgy asian place like that. While there, we buy heaps of counterfeit shit and sell it online through the hills hood website. Because of the massive volumes of people through our website (due to tags such as mazda2, the great weight loss challenge and to catch a predator) this is bound to results in massive amounts of income. Once we've done this, we move back to aus to retire or in certain peoples cases invite back their purchased wives. I've just thought of another thing we could sell as well and can't be bothered putting earlier in this paragraph and that would be wives. Due to banyards need for multiple girls because every wife of his runs away and he can't catch up, this will provide us with a steady income as well as a steady ability to make banyard bankrupt. This would then result in us buying the shack of him and no longer being required to put up with that fat, seedy and quite scary bastard. In order to start this, I believe we will need a hills hood member who has a degree in commerce. I think we will work on the idea that they do all the work followed by a sharing of the money because I am sure this particular person I am thinking of has already made a lot of money through adverts on the website.

But enough of these boring business ideas, the real important news which needs to be spread from this blog is one of the largest victories ever seen in tennis court cricket which occurred today. As it is well known, this competition is one of the most competitive in the world with the winner rewarded with the entirety of Australia except for the other gangs area. So it was with this on the line that the latest hills hood tennis court challenge for the scott djiijkmans cancer trophy began in front of packed stands. The representatives for each team were scott and goat for the hood while me and trav played for the hills. The hills drew first blood when they won the toss and chose to bat with a solid partnership beginning. The method which we chose to use was the brace and cover technique which was first introduced in the last game but was poorly executed by me. However, this time with hours and hours of practice under our belts it looked like we were gonna play a solid defensive game of cricket.

After the first innings, the scores were quite close. However, in the second innings, a different scott came to play. While in the first innings his commitment was second to none, I believe the poor performance of his playing partner somewhat disheartened him. From here on in, a win for the hills was almost guaranteed with infighting severely distracting the visiting team. And by the final innings, scott pretty gave up and started batting around his groin region. It was not a pretty sight but the result was grand with the hills winning by 46 runs to 15 over the space of four innings each. This gave the hills once again the power of australia with plans of world domination in tennis court cricket being discussed as well as general plans of world domination. The second one may need a bit of help from the hood members but we'll see what happens.

After the match, scotty left very quickly prompting multiple theories on why he had. It was decided by the remaining hills hood members that he must have come down with schizophrenia. To try and show respect for his problem, a new trophy was made for the winner of the hills hood challenge in tennis. In honour of scott, the winner will now receive the schizo cup along with a prize of 1 million dollars from the losing side. The losing side will also be required to 1 million dollars to schizophrenia research so goat, scott and biggles aren't going to be making much money over the next few years even after they start their jobs.

That about wraps it up from me. But I thought I would leave you all with an image which has been disturbing me, jac and kiel since last friday when we went down to northbridge with trav. to set the scene, northbridge was pretty much dead with some theorists claiming it was due to southbound. So we just made a night of it drinking, going from place to place searching for the girls. We started at the shed, then moved to the deen, then to the mint, followed by the paramount and finally to the library. However the most horrific thing occurred at the paramount. It was around 130 in the morning and we got in to find about 15 people downstairs so we went upstairs where there probably would have been 40 people comprising of 38 guys and 2 girls. Trav decided what he wanted was the whale of these 2 girls and for the next 5 minutes jac, kiel and me saw in horror what happened which was only ended when the whales friend took the whale away. I managed to find a photo on my phone of this but be warned, the image can be quite



JISM OUT

2010

Dear Hills Hood Faithfuls,

It is now the year twenty-ten, and to get the ball rolling on what could be the breakthrough year for the HH Blog site, a ripper first blog is needed to launch our site into international stardom. As nothing of real interest has occurred this side of the decade, I feel a recap of the celebrations from the years ending/beginning is necessary.

Let’s go back to December 30, the night before the night of interest.

It was a cool summer evening (by Australian standards for our 27 countries worth of international readers) and I was loitering on MSN as per usual when nothing exciting is on TV. I was having a conversation with Trevor, about how shady Diji is no doubt, when suddenly he asks “wanna go to Wedge for New Years?" Now my first thoughts of spending new years at Wedge were of Banyard locking us in the shack and telling stories from his imaginary youth while sending pictures of his undoubtedly STD ridden little fella to Finchy. As you can see, I was rather sceptic of the idea at the time, but after Trevor mentioned his near certain love life was going, along with a host of other familiar character such as JB and Ben Tuckey, I said I'll pull some strings n get the accommodation sorted in the morning. By this stage it was rather late, and by the time I got to sleep it was 3 am.

Moving forward to December 31, the day of the night of interest.

As arranged the night before, Trevor gives me a wakeup call at 8 am, which I answer and go back to sleep, citing the fact that Banyard was likely to be asleep or jacking it at 8 am in the morning and wouldn't answer his phone. The next hour of sleep was bliss, but far too short, and at 9 am I was back awake, phone in hand doing the ring around to get the wedge shack for the big night. Banyard was still unavailable at this time, so I just left my number, and hoped he didn't answer due to the fact he didn't have reception as he was already in Wedge. Luckily the Bandawg rang back within the hour and stuttered his way to saying the shack was free for use.

With confirmation received for use of the shack, the next task was convincing Jism to join the crew. To start off I attempted to reason with the stubborn Hills member, using arguments such as “why would you want to bring in the new year surrounded by 60 year old Asian women with chronic gambling addictions” and “If you don’t come to wedge you’re gay.” Not a single argument seemed to work, and just as I was about to give up hope the line, “wedge is way better than the Cas,” was uttered via msn to Jism’s eyes, which is true of course. All of a sudden the Hills member cracked, and we had a three man crew set for Wedge.

As we hadn’t planned this trip, we all had to do a Diji, and do some last minute shopping. I fanged it down to the local Foodworks to get supplies and for a change I didn’t get 5 weeks’ worth of snack food, although did end up with a fair bit of meat. Next stop was the Bottleo, where I picked up a cheap and nasty carton of cider, thinking Trevor was getting me a block of export from celebrations for a measly 30 bucks. I returned home to finish packing up the car, and when the Hills duo of Trevor and Jism arrived, they had already loaded their drinks into Trev’s super eski. It wasn’t until later that there had been a miss communication, causing the block of export to never come along for the ride. The fact that the Hills duo also mistook a BWS for a Celebrations store, and never actually got any export made the matter pretty funny.

The drive there was pretty standard apart from the fact that we went a completely different route, due to Trevor requiring to return books to university about a month late. Driving into Curtin, there was an Asian being a retard n walking down the road while two cars tried to drive past each other. One of those cars was mine, and as we passed the Asian, Trevor smashed down on the horn, the guy probably shat himself. The only problem was the guy was bound to pass our parking spot, and he also crossed Trev’s and Jism’s path as they tried to return books. Luckily no confrontation ensued, as he was definitely way to buff for Trevor and Jism to handle (jks).

We get into Lancelin at about 3, to find the road barricaded by cops, checking for unregistered vehicles and drink driving, and seeing we were all good we passed straight through to the bakery. Jism and Trevor went into the bakery to get a feed, while I let down the tires for some mild off-roading. Trev came back first with a sausage roll, before Jism came back with my order of a steak and onion pie, or did he. To my disappointment, the simplest of tasks was beyond the Hills member, buying me a chilli pie, which he thought was a cheese pie. Ridiculous.

Before long we were onto the tracks, and due to Jism’s misdemeanour at the bakery, I made life a bit rough in the back. The trip took longer than memory, possibly due to the fact I didn’t let my tires down very much, and the track was pretty crap. We went the full way round, crossing the new road twice, not realising that it was a massive short cut and time saver.

Anyway after a few bumps and stuff we made it into Wedge to find the place in chaos. At this stage it was like 4pm or something, and people were camped everywhere, bikes were fanging it around the tracks and the dunes alike. After unpacking the car, we went to scope out the place and find the infamous JB. Driving out towards the dunes we encounter our first surprise of the trip, seeing an Astra in Wedge. This surprise was multiplied as we drove past cars such as lowered Commodores, Magnas, Lancers and even a shitbox of an Excel. Obviously this meant that the new road was through to Wedge, or closes enough that two wheel drive cars could make it along a short section of tracks. As we closed in on the dunes, the general consensus was that Wedge should have been renamed tent land for the weekend. People were camped everywhere, some dodgy rats even clearing a camping site, damaging some of the precious local environment.

Anyway we make it to the dunes, looking for a green Challenger. There are cars everywhere; a green Triton is smashing nuts at the base of the dunes, while there were at least 25 cars up in the dunes trying to get a poll possie to watch the sunset from Reflection or Bird point. After driving up to the top of the dunes and watching a jeep get bogged and un-bogged we noticed the car of interest. We head back down to find JB jacking in the back of the car, well by jacking I mean sitting, so we get the shady dog to join us for a trip around the place. As we are about to leave the dunes, so nutter goes to start whipping a few donuts, but fails hard, in a company Ute, blowing the front tyre off the rim. Unlucky.

Anyway driving towards the beach, there are more campers and cars, the place is packed. We hit the beach and drive along until we find our track, and head back towards the shack. I almost crash into a Ute coming around a corner, but luckily both our cars had working breaks, otherwise Jism would have flown through the window as well as shitting his pants. With Jism shitting himself I had to smash it back to shack (didn’t want stains on my seats), and after passing a few cars we discovered there were also some girls at wedge for a change. Getting back to the shack, we show JB our pad, which makes him rather jealous, before we start smashing down some brews, or in Trevor’s case, more brews.

To Be Continued....

As I cant be bothered finishing this blog yet, ill leave you all in suspense. The next blog will contain photos and a recipe for making a wedge biscuit. Peace Nigs