Phuket - The first night

October 23rd 2010
5:30PM
We're landing in 40 minutes, we all start to wake up. Our first trip together outside of Australia without any parents, just the boys. We all start getting excited, Sully starts f*cking around with everyone's tv screens on the back of the seats, we're all so buzzed. We look out the windows and see islands covered with lush vegetation, lovely turquoise water. Holy shit we're nearly in Thailand! Haha. We touchdown just after 6PM, it is overcast, warm and humid. We can't wait to get to the hotel.

It takes a little while to find pens to fill in our arrival cards, get through customs fine without any jittery moments like I experienced in Perth (just the usual dropping all my shit everywhere, hitting my knee on the conveyor belt, trying to take my belt off without my shorts falling down). We're through customs and officially in Phuket, we're so fucking ecstatic! Okay, this is where Mr Organised (Ant), starts to kick arse and show us how valuable an asset he is at getting shit sorted (unlike someone like myself who leaves everything to the last minute).

At the front of the airport it is chaotic, however, Ant finds the taxi driver easily, we chuck our shit in the back and jump in the van. Fuck Yeah! At this time the sun has just set and we only have about 10 minutes before it gets dark. If you have been anywhere in south-east Asia who are obviously familiar with their crazy, erratic driving and their lack of respect for road rules, like I care if he drives on the wrong side of the highway. We all start talking about what the hell is going to happen tonight...will we encounter any women?...if so how many?...do they sell Long Island Iced Teas?...and am I going to do something stupid and end up in Jail? Bird gives us some tips as he had already been to Patong before a couple of years prior, with a former romance.

I am very carsick like always and I am starting to get a little apprehensive. My mum, dad, brother and practically everyone else I know told me before I came "Scott, just don't go wondering off by yourself like you always do and like you did in Europe, just stay with your friends and you'll be fine." We finally get into Patong Beach, HOLY FUCK! The beach is gorgeous, there are lights, noise and people everwhere and fireworks are going off every 5 seconds.This is going to be a really lively night!

Vodka Bar out the front of Ban Thai

7:30PM
BanThai mother fucker! We're there, right on the beach, in our hotel, the atmosphere is so electric. Ant sorts everything out at the reception and somehow Bird, Sully and my room has been upgraded to a deluxe suite for the night! Team meeting - Ant and Jnr go to your room, get ready then come to ours and we'll head out, okay locked in. So we walk to our room across this pool and as we do we pass a few nice sheilas....predator mode has started. We get to our pimped room and start going nuts: strip down and put on robes, jump on beds, throwing shit and general shouting.

8PM
Ant & Jnr rock up to our room "What the fuck???? How much have you guys had!" We were so buzzed we hadn't even drank anything just started going crazy and throwing all the beds everywhere. We start smashing down Ant's duty-free black-label Johnnie Walker, we drink a fair bit then head out. Grab pizza at pizza shop next to maccas, then go to vodka bar out the front of Bat Thai and start drinking the one and only Long Island Iced Teas.

Cobblas

9PM
Fireworks are going off everywhere, locals trying to sell us everything from chicken porn to cocaine and there seems to be some attractive women around. We go walking for a bit checking out the scenery, eventually we find the coolest road ever, Bangla Rd.

Busy on Bangla!

Bangla Road is basically the main road in Patong where everything happens. There are locals everywhere trying to sell you everything and anything, endless amounts of nightclubs and bars, and tourists like us everywhere. We walk up and down checking it out and eventually decide to get a drink at the Aussie Bar. More LIITs but eventually we start to get pissed off at each other because we still haven't found a nightclub. We leave and decide to go looking for nightclubs again.

We walk to the end of Bangla Road with no obvious ideas of where we are going to go. At the very end of Bangla Road is a pub called "Rock City" (basically like the Newport in Freo). We go in there, realise that it is in fact not a nightclub but start to drink a bit more and get a bit looser. Eventually we leave, a little disappointed and walk back down Bangla Road, left onto Phuket Beach Road passed our hotel and then turn around and back the way we came.

Where the hell are we going guys??

Everyone starts arguing with each other and clearly getting pissed off because we haven't found a nightclub yet. Ant suggests a nightclub from a flyer/ticket that he was given by a club promoter on Bangla Rd earlier on. I'm not sure if the others actually agreed with him, I don't remember what was said otherwise my night might have been a lot easier.

We start walking up, pushing threw crowds of people on Bangla Rd again when I decide to shake things up a bit. It went something like this.
"I'm going back to the hotel to freshen up. I'll meet up with you guys later."
"But you won't be able to find us??" (very good point)
And then I left...

I briskly walked back to the hotel, got back to the room to freshen up and then thought to myself. "What do I do now?!?"
In these situations (which occur quite regularly), I always start by consuming some alcohol or energy drinks to clear my mind. There was still a bit of Black label left on the side table so I had a swig. The alcohol helped to clear my mind (or at least increase my confidence). My power began to surge, my veins flowed with pure energy, I started to power up and the windows started to shake! I used this power to teleport back out the front of the hotel and my hunt began.

Close to 11PM
I hustled back up Phuket Beach Road with my newly found energy (intoxicated) and quickly found a nightclub. Banana Bar Discoteque - I eagerly made my way in and looked for any signs of the boys, no luck, so I downed another smokey or two. I rounded the corner to Bangla Road and quickly located another nightclub. White Party! What a club. About the size of my bedroom and the drinks there are very suspect. Still no sign. Down the next side arcades I fought through the ladyboys and found an escalator which gave me hope. I was so confident this was the place. My journey was about to end....or was it?? Yes! No! Hollywood Patong Discoteque (please speak to Anant if you want to know what this club is like). It was chaotic. The nightclub was big and comparable with the likes of Metros Freo (only one story though), the drinks were good also, however, I wasn't sure how to proceed in this situation. The nightclub was packed and the ratio of women to guys was favourable. Some of the guys there were older and perhaps seedier; the women were predominantly Thai but with some Chinese and other south-east Asian tourists. I did consider staying here for a bit but I was confident that I wouldn't find the others here and I was having trouble fending off all the unwanted attention from the Thai women. I couldn't even have a drink by myself so I had to leave before I got myself into something too deep. I left and looked everywhere on Bangla Rd. I went down every single little side arcade and was man-handled by all the Thai Ladyboys. It is actually a little bit scary because there are so many of them and they grab you and try to force you to sit down but I managed to bust my way out of them and make it back to Bangla Rd.

Seduction without me :(

I'm not sure what the exact time was but I decided to quickly go back to the hotel and check for any signs of them. When I arrived back in the room and was disappointed to find no one, I decided to leave a note for them in case they were looking for me. If I was sober at this point I would have assessed the situation and narrowed the crew's current whereabouts to a predominantly Western nightclub, which was close and I had yet to find. But because I was drunk I decided to repeat my previous actions and continue to look in the clubs I already had been in. I did this probably twice more, going into Banana Bar, Whiteroom & Hollywood; having a drink and then moving on. At the end of each cycle I would come back to the hotel room and check for any reply to my letter.

About 230AM
After about my third or possibly fourth cycle, I was shocked to find two of our three beds occupied in our room. There were no ladies in the beds which also surprised me (ladies as in love interests, not prostitutes or similar).
"Bird is that you?"
"yeah"
"Where the f*ck were you guys?? Did you read my note and find the gimp hat I left for you?? Where are the others??"
"Jnr is sitting with some Russian  on a wall at the beach, I have no idea where Ant is."
Bird and Sully were both tired and a bit perturbed and did not look they were keen to get up and join my search for the other two, so I left and went solo.

I was still very surprised about Jnr's current status and was also still very keen to see if there was a lovely woman out there for myself. My standards were lowering with every passing minute so I trekked on down to the beach to see if I could pull off a miracle and find at least one of the two. The beach was dodgy: filled with locals trying to sell you drugs, fireworks and their sisters, prostitutes, and also lots of young, drunken revellers like myself. The view from the beach was amazing: it is a very long stretch of coast (a couple of kms) with white sand, enclosed at both ends with land coming out at both ends (I don't know what you call it, a bay??). The moon was also very bright, it just felt so amazing. I searched all through the beach without even a sign of JC "the Smooth Operator", I came to some limestone wall at the end so I followed it up away from the water. As I looked up about 40 metres in front of me was a group of drunken people centered around this skinny, young woman and taller more muscular guy, I made my way towards them as they all turned and stared at me.

"Do you know this guy (dodgy russian accent)?"
".....Holy Shit! Dutch, WTF?!?"
LOL! I had finally found Jnr and he was with a young, attractive Russian woman. He was shocked that the dodgy looking guy walking out from the shadows was actually me. The first time we had seen each other in about 5-6 hours. I tried to talk to Jnr but he was clearly more interested in his new friend, Evgenia. I talked to their Russian friends, they were nice, tried to make headway with one of Evgenia's friends but seems she was more interested in conversation than anything else - I was disappointed. Eventually the Russians left for their hotel as I headed back to Bangla Rd to find the remaining member of our group.

330 - 4AM
I looked everywhere for Sandy but no luck. Everyone was starting to head home so I decided to cut my losses and head home for some much needed rest. Phuket Beach Rd was fairly quiet now, as I looked up I noticed a couple walking in the same direction as me, about 15metres in front. Jnr...fuck! It was Jnr and the Russian, they already thought I was a bit creepy after I appeared by myself from the shadows on the beach, I didn't want to confirm their perceptions by following them back to the hotel. I had to keep hiding behind buildings and down alleyways so they wouldn't notice me following them. I hid behind one and this old lady started talking to me, then two ladyboys grabbed me, this was intense. Either get raped by Ladyboy's or creep the fuck out of Jnr and his Russian! I held for another 10 seconds or so but was forced to break free and sprint across the other side of the road.

I broke their strong man-like grips on my arms and just ran for it in my thongs, they were really strong and quick too. Everyone was watching. Jnr and the Russian, startled by all the commotion turned around to see what was going on.
"DUTCH???? ....Run Dutch they're gaining on you!"
They were so much faster than me running in thongs, they kept chasing me but luckily the crafty Dutchman who has been chased many-a-time, managed to get away. So I walked back to the hotel with Jnr and his female acquaintance (awkward) and then went to bed.

4-430AM
The door knocked.
"Knock, knock" (that's what a door knock sounds like).
I was expecting Noonty or possibly the hotel staff to complain to us for being drunken yobbos when we first arrived but this I was not expecting..... Jnr and Russian. Jnr was looking for something. Pretty sure Bird and Sully were pissed off for the disturbance.

5 MINUTES LATER
"Knock, knock."
......Noonty?? Hahaha it was the Punjabi Prince!
"My room is occupied so I don't really want to go in there right now."
"Do you wanna go for a walk?"
"Yes."
So I had finally rendezvoused with every single one of the team finally after 7 hours. Ant and I were still pretty pumped. Noonty told me about his crazy night as he had been drinking all night and had met some very interesting people. Basically the two of us went for a walk and ended up at the beach, drinking with a few rugby guys from QLD. They had a foam esky filled with ice and pre-mixed drinks (UDL's, Smirnoffs etc). We kept drinking and paying for fireworks as almost everyone in Patong had disappeared and headed off to sleep.

Punji enjoying a barrel

Eventually we called it a night at about 630 in the morning. I later found out that the four of them had spent most of the night at a nightclub at the top of Bangla Rd: it was called "Seduction". The irony was that I found a promo card in my wallet for this nightclub. We had all received one early on in the night but I had never connected the dots and never would have guessed that this was where the other four would have been. I learnt my lesson and the remaining seven nights (13? for the others), I spent at Seduction with Sull, Bird, Jnr and Noonty. These were all enjoyable nights and I will never forget them.

To be continued.

HH back in business

Europe!

The time has come to finally make the great journey to the continent where medieval stuff actually took place (swords and castles and stuff). As it's usually a bitch to get this sort of event organised, I thought I'd get proceeding rolling. So far, by the sounds of thing, we've already had a few disappointing responses from members of the hills community, with Jim's excuse quite obviously being a cover up for him basically being married and finding that the whip has a very sharp sting. That leaves a small number of possible candidates from the HillsHood section of society who are keen and interested in this upcoming adventure. I for one am dead keen to get this locked in, as it will give me something to look forward to while driving haul trucks (surely one of the world's most boring jobs, just ask Trav) as well as allowing plenty of time for my leave to be booked in for, which is critical for getting time off it seems. Trav has also expressed a high level of interest, and while I can never be sure with Diji, it appears he is also planning to hop along for the ride. This leaves space for possible inclusions such as Lodge, who has also expressed an interest in travelling to the Northern Hemisphere once again.

Anyway, I have been doing a fair bit of research into the subject, and while I can't see the future, I believe that the dates I have used for scoping and costing are pretty decent, as they are during the uni break and mean that I only have to take 1 swing off to achieve the time outlined below.

Anyway we shall start off with flights, as they are a pretty critical part of the trip. Currently the best flights are with Malaysian airlines, which from memory aren't too bad an airline. The total cost for flights to London and back ends up being just under $1800 which is outlined below. The dates I have selected are mostly to allow myself to get back from site, sleep and pack before departing, while also arriving in London at the start of a day, which saves on a night's accommodation. The return trip is also from London, and gets back to Perth at 3pm on the Tuesday.

 

There are obviously other options with flights, like air Asia, which can be quite cheap if you buy your tickets in segments, although there isn't as much certainty about the flight times, losing baggage and you don't get meals or luggage included in the flight costs. In saying that, air Asia's premium class have beds and all the perks of the standard airlines first class at a similar cost to that of flying Qantas ($2000). I have looked at this as it would be good to get some sleep done on the flight, but the days which air Asia fly to Paris are not very suited to the dates I was looking at.

Anyway, onto the next topic, the holiday itself….

I propose we undertake a Contiki, as this takes care of all the accommodation and a lot of meals and travel for the trip. It will also stick us with other young'uns to make sure we aren't trying to kill each other by the end of the trip. Below is the dates and costs of one of the Contiki's which I feel would be rather swell. http://contiki.com.au/tours/119-european-impressions/itinerary

The price shown above can be reduced by around 200 bucks if we book before the 23^rd of December this year, and if the general consensus is to change the dates, Cathay pacific are offering a deal up until the 23^rd of December for flights until the 18^th of June to be 1689 return from Perth.

Anyway the Contiki trip is up for debate, both where it goes, how long to do it for, and there are other things like bus about, which gives you a bit more freedom for where you go which I haven't had a good look at yet.

Using the 18 day contiki as a guide, there is a 2-3 day gap in the UK at the start, and 3 days at the end, which can be used for a bit relaxation. Alternately we could choose a different Contiki and spend a few days in the Greek islands before heading home.

 

Hills Hood - The End?

The title pretty much sums up this post; Hills Hood is done. Only a few noble members of the illustrious Hills Hood street gang even view this site, let alone contribute to it. What was once a thriving and lively online community, is a now a dull and uneventful snapshot of what used to be. This hurts me deeply, as I was a proud Hood representative who felt honoured to be a part of such a great group of talented individuals (and animal). The demise of the Hills Hood has been a gradual process. I have tried often to keep the HH spirit alive but it seems my efforts have fallen on deaf ears. I see no point in living out this fantasy any longer. HILLS HOOD IS DONE!

Many of the Hills Hood originals now have romantic interests in their lives. Such a committment seems too overpowering for even the sacred waters of Hidden Creek to withstand. Whether or not Wedge will take place in a couple of weeks is irrelevant. It is obvious, through the passage of time, that the fire which once burned within everyone of us, and bound us together, has burnt out. This is the end of Hills Hood. Goodbye and God bless.

Yours sincerely,
Dutch (Former Hood boy)

Spring + Hidden Creek = Girls (Kalgoorlie Cup special)

I hate Winter so thank fuck it's nearly over! Only 12 more days of this shit left after today, then it's Spring, and Kal Cup time. So all the good shit starts once Winter finishes i.e. Kal Cup, Thailand, Wedge, Hidden Creek, good weather etc. Hidden Creek season pretty much coincides with the end of Winter; some people even refer to Spring as HCS (Hidden Creek Season). I know I do, at least I will now.

So Kalgoorlie Cup '10 is on September the 18th, it's going to be a big weekend for all parties involved. Last year Goat only saw a couple of hours of sunlight during the eventful weekend, the poor kid had come down with Bear-itis. It's a tragic disease which affects all of us at one stage or another. Anyway, I doubt that our favourite farm animal will come down with the virus anytime soon, and he is very keen to make up for last year's lack of activity. Good on ya bro.

Kalgoorlie Cup always makes for a very messy, loose weekend; this year will be no exception. Even more so because there is going to be 20 - 30 people staying in the one house (maybe it's two). The drive there and back will be shit, Bird will be DJ-ing and Jim will be eating dirty, seafood subs which will make for an interesting combination. One of the major talking points of this year's trip has been Goat and his recent pimpage and anti-Jewness. Will he continue this carefree and reckless trend? I think so. I am really look forward to seeing Goat and the crew in action, in a town where anything goes...except for stealing kegs, that is a no-no! However, if Trav does go down that path once again, it must be filmed. Junior has also pulled out due to work commitments.



I am driving down on Thursday, Bird has shotgun, Jim has a guaranteed spot if he wants. Goat can come if he brings a girl.

Curtin Oktoberfest has been cancelled, I am really pissed off. Very controversial. We will have to find a proxy to fill in for this absence on the calendar.

Hidden Creek AGM is coming up again, probably sometime after Kal Cup when everyone is present. Export will be provided, strippers possibly.

Thailand is next on the agenda in late October. This will be very, insanely crazy especially the first night! Mum has warned me about the men whom look like ladies, this is a very frightening reality. So no Thai girls PERIOD.

Wedge is going to happen towards the end of the year and this one is going to be a bigg'un.
Definites:
- Myself
- Trav
- Bird
- Goat (semi-Jew, but no longer Jew)
- Lodge
- Jim
- Biggles

Likelys:
- Jane
- Laura

Possibles:
- Junior (for the tenth time)
- Ant
- Beck
- John (could be anyone)




Pretty much the only reason I go to Wedge.




Wedge only takes like 25 minutes to get to from Lancelin now, so no more random two hour bush-bashing expeditions.

The Rise and Rise of the 'Ultra Pimp'

So it is well overdue for a blog on the hillshood site. Some members are letting their fellow members down with false promises of blogs since February. Not naming any names... T-man. This blog chronicles the rise of a certain member, from the elegantly termed ‘Oompa Loompas’ to the equally elegant term ‘Ultra Pimp’ status.

Years and years ago in what seems like a distant past, a young man (with a particularly red neck) was gallivanting around the beautiful hub of Perth, Northbridge. He was a man that had yet acquired the taste of a good woman. He was on the prowl searching for a woman who would be up to the challenge. What he didn’t know was that he’d get more than he bargained for. He stumbled across the striking Deen dance floor and seemed to have made a connection with a particular girl. It was one for the ages, a momentous ‘eye f*****g’, his eyes were nearly popping out of his head.

She was moving: check, she was drunk: check, she has breasts: check. All three of the prerequisites were well and truly covered. So he casually moved closer in for a more detailed inspection. She notices this, and also moves closer. Before he knows it their hands are all over each other, grinding with the disregard of a rugby league player. He eventually ends up passionately, and intimately embracing her and all of her ‘inner’ beauty (it had to be inner because it sure wasn’t outer). While this is happening we all stand in disbelief about what has happened in what seemed like 2 seconds. A member of the illustrious Hillshood had reached new lows, hit rock bottom. We concluded that we would let it pass this time, but if it happened again we would be obliged to hold an intervention. Subsequently it would happen numerous times since. We never got around to that intervention… The most interesting case nearly ended up in a ‘St. Kilda’ like rape with an indigenous fellow by the stylish name of Garry.

Well enough about the past, as they say you learn from failures rather than success. In that case he’s a very wise man. I for one cannot judge as I’ve had similar if not a worse case of the deteriorative, degenerate disease of ‘Oompa Loompitice,’ I’m quite Rusty. Moving on a few years, in a distant mining town about 600.88 kms from Perth, he has begun dating a rather attractive young lady. This came out of nowhere cause he met her on the Garry night so what he did to impress her beats me and most probably himself. One thing that is certain once he got this female, he was going to do everything in his power to keep her thus maintain his new found status of ‘Ultra Pimp’. Examples of this are; going on a romantic getaway instead of seeing Thai ladies shoot ping pong balls out of a certain orifice (similar to Senior), no longer ‘JJI’; he saves himself for the intimate moment when the sheets are pulled over (similar to a particular furry farm animal), and finally showing his extremely brute, masculine side by getting reported in footy. What he’s doing seems to be working because he is now the envy of all of the fellow members. I myself look up to him and often find myself thinking ‘what would he do’. I ask for tips but he says ‘it just comes natural’ thus leaving me feeling despondent. But I also know that I cannot compare myself to such an ‘Ultra Pimp,’ levels of this magnitude of pimpage have only ever been achieved before by Wilt Chamberlain and Jeff Brown; two gods of the Pimp game. I’ve included a before and after pic below as evidence to prove the levels of improvement.

Before:

After:

I’ll conclude by saying, if she says she's into bondage, don't show her your financial portfolio, God Bless and Good Luck.

Cherry Popped

So the time has come for me to get my cherry popped… finally. This is a very special time in everyone’s life, especially mine, and I am very grateful to all of my now fellow members who have taken it slow and gentle with me. They made this a special time and I’ll never forget my first time. I am extremely grateful they weren’t rough and didn’t force anything upon me. Though having said this I am the one who started the catch phrase down south that practically everything means yes… If you don’t know what I’m talking about ask Laura, she loved it! Furthermore if you don’t know what I’m doing here I’m writing my first blog. I must admit I am excited by the prospect of joining the highly credentialed and illustrious authors of hillshood.

I’ve been brainstorming ideas about what to write and the first thing that came to my mind, other than boobs of course, was footy. So the footy season has just started for the boys and me. Though I haven’t really been attending due to part laziness and part studying aka facebook. All teams had comprehensive wins on the weekend and this was due in no small part to junior and Dutch. There have been some murmurings in the footy world that Dutch was going to step up this year and maybe even get out of the defensive fifty once the whole season, but to just flat out star like he did, I don’t know anyone who could’ve predicted that. It is probably due to his highly dedicated and motivated lifestyle whereby he works at nights and jji several times during the day. Maybe he’s stumbled upon a secret formula for improved endurance or maybe he’s just much lighter and aerodynamic because his balls are like raisins nobody knows. Either way he’s in for a big year and possibly be the first Dutchman ever drafted. As for myself Ill probably turn up occasionally do a few hammies, actually lose fitness throughout the year, and all in all just waste talent. The cougars look like they’ll be in for another big season and there’ll be updates throughout the season.

The next topic to discuss is uni. This is only to vent my anger at the concept of uni. It is like a devils lair minus the whips and cool dominatrix stuff (face it we all want to try a little bit of that). The place has worn me down; guess five and a half years will do that to you. Though having said that I finish in two months, which I cannot wait for! Once I’ve finished uni my days will no doubt be filled with mundane days at work, watching unimaginable amounts of illicit material and just being a guy. To me this sounds like a dream, uni is the only life I’ve known since finishing high school. From what I’ve heard from the now working class chaps, working gives you a high amount of freedom and independence which I cannot wait to experience for myself. Now as you all know I go to uni with Dutch, well we never go but we are enrolled in the same classes, I’m concerned for his wellbeing after I have graduated. He has another semester to complete after I do, but having said that he’ll probably attend and excel as I’m probably a bad influence. As evidenced by me bringing my laptop to one of our lectures recently and proceeding to play Asian porn on it, funnily enough the surrounded by a classroom full of asians and slummys. Furthermore I was looking up toppies for Mandurah all via the use of Curtin’s internet, bout the only good thing at uni.

In an exciting new twist for the hillshood, some members have been recently getting involved with the opposite sex. This has led me to be excited and to start thinking that maybe our group is finally turning into the womanising group I imagined when I first met my fellows members. Each member has the ability to pimp they just don’t know it, as evidenced below. I recently made a gentleman’s agreement with an unnamed member who lives in Kalgoorlie, that if he were to be successful in making a move on a rather attractive female, I myself would finally have to make a move on miss G. I think this gentleman’s agreement is beneficial to both parties as, she obviously wants it, and I myself have grown fond of the possibility of intimacy again (not forced this time). The aforementioned member has assured me he’s making progress and she is a nice girl which I’m thoroughly happy with due to my past failings in that area. The member has also informed me that a sheets incident isn’t far off and consequently is extremely excited and anxious. Additionally I do wish I had included an unspecified member in this agreement as he has been pussyfooting around for what seems like months now with also a rather attractive female. We all wish he’d make a move and I’m sure she does too, cause really who doesn’t want their clog tickled every now and then. Take my advice and go for it, you’ll regret it if you don’t at least get a bit of a fondle. Furthermore the infamous farm animal has been chatting to a few babes recently. This is a huge step forward for a man whose mannerisms when concerned with the opposite sex are extremely similar to Raj off The Big Bang Theory. He has been informing them of his impending purchase of a house and they seem impressed with this. I don’t know if owing a house suggests you are like a donkey down there but it seems to attract the babes.

Finally Ill wrap my first blog up with some recent news that I and senior currie will be travelling to the USA at the end of the year. I am thoroughly excited as I hear the fairer sex over there love Australians’ chipolatas. This will be a great time and I really just hope I don’t get arrested. Though I do imagine I’ll probably have to further increase my already high amount of times I visit the doctor.
God bless

This Shit is Intense

I'm slightly disappointed with the little interest in this blog lately; Trav still hasn't finished his supposedly awesome Max Tucker-esque blog and no one else apart from Goat has even bothered to write one. Pretty gay! I am soo fucking bored right now it's not even funny anymore. It's pretty much just myself and Mum at home these days. I am still stacking shelves which is even worse than it was before, mainly because two of the guys who are around my age just left. So it's basically down to myself and two other guys, then all the older girls and Connie....Depressing.

This is how boring work gets

The only things I look forward to these days is literally Saturdays where I have footy and also going out and getting smashed on Saturday nights. Everyday in between is just another day of the same old shit....Fridays are okay though, yeah I like Fridays. Sunday nights at work used to be fun because all four of us 'Awesome Supervisors' were on and we would literally just fuck around and do nothing. One thing I enjoy about work however, I, being a Supervisor and all, am one of three nightfill people to have the key and access code to the drinks garage across the road from work. I go there every night with one of both of the other two nightfill guys, and just sit there fucking around on my phone, just talking and bitching about the store for half an hour to an hour. Probably the only reason I can keep working there without getting too angry and quitting is coz I can do whatever I want (I generally choose to do nothing) and get away with it because I'm a Supervisor. Pretty sure this is exactly what I'm gonna do tonight, it is good having an iPhone.

#Neale

So yeah, back to what I was saying before. Life at home has been so unbelievably boring ever since my bro moved out of home. I've had a couple of phases where I haven't been going to bed til like 4-5am every morning, or if I go earlier I can't sleep anyway. Last phase like this probably ended Dec/Jan this year, whereby I would be talking to Trav til at least 3am every night, then after I'd still be awake so I'd go for a run or something or walk through the bush and go on reconnaissance missions through people's properties. It was so messed up and ridiculously boring. FUCK IT WAS BORING!!! Anyway, I started sleeping in the Games room during the end of Feb and ever since then I have been going to bed round 1am or so. I've since taken over the Games room, it's just better...I watch movies nd shit to keep me entertained then go to bed.

My parents are pretty keen to move; probably to somewhere near Fremantle. It's more my Mum; I think she must be getting bored too. But yeah, it looks like they want to move soon, like end of the year maybe. Therefore, I have made my mind up that I am going to move out around that time as well. I also plan to get a proper job around this time too. I wanna move relatively close to the city...anywhere past Leach Hwy would be great. Biggles just moved out, Goat just bought a house and plans to move out, Bird also wants to move out...Fuck I want to get out of here! Haha (jokes).

Fuck Good Friday was boring, easily the boringest day of the year so far. I had plans but they fell through coz of a little reciprocated anger. Been playing a little bit of golf lately, it's good, it keeps me occupied. I haven't done much uni work lately, probably coz I would rather think about going out drinking and girls. Uni can be a little boring. It's not really that hard either.









This weekend should be alright. Should be going out with the sandwich featuring Bird and getting drunk. This weekend is going to be a General Hunt...which is also good.

Wedge

Seeing the next wedge trip is less than 2 weeks away, I thought I'd just get the ball rolling on the organisational front. I'll be up north until the 31st, so I'll only be in Perth on the Thursday before Easter. I'm assuming Trav wont get back until thursday night as well. So basically we need to sort out a time to leave, prob aim to leave around 10am on Easter Friday??? and how long we are gonna go up for? Who is gonna be coming, atm it looks like only a crew of 4, but has potential to include biggles and sparrow. whos on gas duty n whos gonna drive. are we gonna risk the road or take the tracks?

Mexican Stand-off

I'm pretty unbusy at work right now, seeing the crusher is down and hence there is no mining of ore to be done. The lack of jobs for me to do that I know how to do has temped me to write a blog.

I know I havn't posted the second half of my blog about new years yet. so i thought i'd sum it up in a few lines. We Drank some drinks with Jb, had dinner, I fell asleep only to get woken up by jim n trav attempting to rape me with sand. we went to Club Wedge, where Jim didn't get let in for being over dressed, so he jumped the fence. Trav found Allyssa n jacked it on the D floor. The Club went off, heaps of techno, which diji would have loved, and some dodgy wanna be rapper, who might have been banyard in a skinny suit. Heaps of Glow Sticks, and Drinks and Jim saw a couple of chicks fighting. Trav disapeared during a beer run back to the shack, never to be seen again that night, which we later found out was when he tried to get in bed with Allyssa.

Jisbag n myself went back to club wedge, n cant realy remember what happened. Spoke to diji although not sure what about, prob Trav tuning Allyssa and Club Wedge. We went back to JB's set up, n talked to some randoms for awhile cos JB was in bed. Pretty sure we rang diji again n he talked about jackin it. Can't Really remember much else about that night.

The next day the only interesting thing was the helicopters picking up injured ppl. we talked to some rat who reckons he was a safe driver then a few minutes later almost crashed. Also trav caught another snake, and decided to put it in the shack, n im pretty sure its in dijis bed right now.

We left the day after driving along the new road which was pretty quick, although we still needed to go back to lano to pump up tyres.

Neway i should probably get back to work. Hope your happy diji

History 101 - The Hills Hood story

I have no idea what I'm going to write in this blog, normally 'Goat', is the theme central to all of my blogs; this post will be no exception. I'm pretty sure this will be the 99th post on this site which is a fair achievement for such a small, local blog. Okay, I think I might have an idea. Might just talk about the history of Hills Hood for this blog, and also, Goat.

This is my recollection of how the Hills Hood street gang came to be.

The Incorporation of Hills Hood (Mid 2004,Year 11)
Pretty sure GTA: San Andreas had just come out. Everyone was talking 'bout it n shit, I played a lot of GTA and thought I was a nigga. Tim Laf, Trav and I were walking back from the oval and heading to our Intro Calc class. We were talking about GTA and street niggas, I was like "Yeah, we're the Hood boys", Trav was like "Fuck you Hood boys! This is the Hills."

Pretty sure this was where the two Hills Hood factions first started, a fierce rivalry soon developed between the two.

The Proclamation of Hidden Creek (Unofficially 2001)
I first discovered Hidden Creek as an eager young 13 year old in the November of 2001. I even wrote my name with chalk on the rock surface that day. From then on, I travelled through Hidden Creek many times on bike and on foot, on my way into Hills territory to discuss Hills Hood issues with the Hills brigade. It is a very spiritual place and is the cornerstone of the Hills Hood organisation as it represents peace, strength and the occasional export.

It is also approximately halfway geographically between the Hills and the Hood, and is a neutral meeting ground for both Hills and Hood members alike.

Hills Hood granted exclusive rights to Hidden Creek (2004, Year 11)
I used to ditch period 25 on a Wednesday or Thursday of school almost every week. Occasionally during this time and also after an exam had finished, myself, and sometimes Goat, would walk home via Hidden Creek. Around August 2004, the Hills issued a challenge to the Hood for a 2-on-2 basketball challenge. We told the Hills to meet us at Hidden Creek as a sign of 'Good Faith'...they declined. I think Goat may have went, I chose not to (probably Jackin' it instead). Anyway, Goat rocked up in Hills turf only to be shocked by the fact that the Hills had called up a 'ring-in' to make the match 1 vs 3. Goat lost the subsequent match (surprise surprise) and Hidden Creek was claimed by the Hills Hood.

The Inaugural Hills Hood Tennis Court Cricket Match (2004/2005)
Like I said before, we ditched almost every period 25 on a Wednesday/Thursday, one afternoon two Hood members and two of the Hills finest, faced each other off in a battle for glory! The Hood lost...we just kept choking. Like, we'd be kicking ass, but we'd always fuck it up. I honestly reckon it was because the Hills kept changing rules as we were going which favoured them. But yeah, it was awhile before the Hood finally one a HHTCC match, but since then the Hood hasn't looked back!

Many Hills Hood challenges were created in the next couple of years: Gamecube, Wii, drinking, JJI?, spiking Goat's drinks (more of a Hills + me versus Goat challenge)...and so on.

The incorporation of the Hills Hood blog (May 2006)
Blogs were all the craze back in 2005 (our last year of school). We used to all use WindowsLive Spaces to blog about our thoughts and whatnot. Biggles on the other hand, convinced us all that Bloggers were better. Biggles' blog was actually interesting and very lively back then Steatopygous Simon. His blogs were very interesting and very cutting-edge, Lodge even had a blogger or two (both have been deleted since). We used to write anonymous comments on both blogs all the fucking time (mainly Trav and me). One day we decided to make a rival blog i.e. Hills Hood.

Hills Hood was so powerful that it wiped both of Lodge's blogs off the internet and raped the shit out of Biggles'.

First Wedge Trip (July 2006)
Wedge has always been a big part of Hills Hood culture. The trip north is normally preceded by the end of a Uni semester, but not always. First time we went up to Wedge under the Hills Hood name was July 2006; I was pretty down cause I had failed Uni big time; Lodge could really sink piss and was also a bit wild; Trav probably had just started to get wild; and Goat was confused over a couple of ditsy girls.

It was a good experience because we were just 18 and hadn't really done too much shit like that by ourselves. It was pretty crazy actually:
- I nearly accidentally stabbed Trav in the eye with a metal prong. Only millimetres away from fucking his eye up. Very stupid.
- Trav and I fought again, we used to end up fighting all the time. Probably just immaturity..who knows.
- Lodge smashed 12-14 beers and went driving absolutely fucked off his face.
- Trav threw all of the petrol Goat brought up for the Generator onto the fire.

The main story I remember from that trip was spiking the fuck out of Goat's drink, and getting him absolutely raped! It would have to be in the top three times I've seen Goat drunk, probably even top two. Goat was so gone he was telling his all his fantasies about these girls who he liked, and like everything else about them. It was an interesting experience to say the least. One of those girls Goat, she was actually pretty nice, you will probably think I'm a cunt for constantly bringing her name up LoL. But she was nice (have a crack man!).

So that was the story of how the Hills Hood came to be by and large.

End of an Era

It has been awhile since I've posted on this godly site and things have happened, so I guess I should update. I have been lazy with this particular post which I started over a month ago, the spelling and grammar is shit.

LATE NOVEMBER

Wedge 2009
It had been a year since we last ventured north to the sea-side playground called Wedge. After last years ordeal I vowed never to return as the lawless streets of Wedge seem to bring the worst out of me. Last years wounds were healed with time so I decided I would head back with the crew, just to relax and let loose after my penultimate year of uni. Only seven of the Hills Hood crew made the journey after Trav made a late withdrawal, because he hadn't completed his thesis. I've always thought that I was pretty bad when it comes to procrastinating but leaving your thesis til the week before it's due is in another league. Anyway back to Wedge.

I was actually pretty disappointed and shocked when I found out the news but I soon got over it.

Wedge was really nice and relaxing; we pretty much had the whole town to ourselves. Basically spent most of the time at the beach, sandboarding, drinking, general fucking around and taking the piss out of Goat (Just kidding man). The second day a couple of us headed back to Lancelin in Jism's beast, it was fucken crazy! It was seriously hot..had to push the car out of the sand at least three times..then run after the car and we got fucking lost and spent 40 minutes in the middle of the bush with no shade. Jism bush-bashed pretty badly through quad tracks for awhile but we eventually made it to Lancelin. It was a lot of fun...maybe not so much at the time, but it makes for a good story.














I have pretty much always just shat outside at Wedge...I think it's a combination of laziness and comfort and the fact that the shack toilet smells disgusting! I don't even try to hide the fact that I do it, like I pretty much go wherever i.e. driveway, road etc. It seems like this little fad started to catch on big time during this trip. Everyone except two of the more civilised residents, were shitting outside as well. They even started to grasp the concept of 'Extreme Shitting' whereby everyone tries to out do the others by shitting somewhere even more daring than the previous attempt. For the history of 'Extreme Shitting' Click Here.














Back to where I was before. I really enjoyed just relaxing at the beach, going sandboarding during the evening, watching the sunset whilst sitting on the dunes and just general fucking around with good company (I'm not gay).

One thing that I feel that I really should mention in this section, is to do with Goat's behaviour (how unlike me to make mention of Goat). Goat is a good friend of mine, and all within the Hills Hood community. However, I just don't think I can go on without commenting on his unusual behaviour at Wedge.





























On the last night of the trip, everyone was getting a little bit drunk and having a good time dancing like idiots, fucking around and getting a little frisky. However, Goat was not joining in the festivities but ostracizing himself from the group and acting very strange. I have seen Goat act strange before but this was the first time in awhile I had seen such extreme antics. I will give you a brief rundown about what I'm talking about:
(These are approximate times)
7:30 - 8PM Goat sits inside, eats dinner by himself, occasionally makes token appearance outside
8 - 9PM Goat does something seedy in his room, makes occasional visit outside and explains that he is sick
9 - 9:40PM Goat starts practicing cricket shots with a cricket bat in the kitchen, answers every question directed his way with a non-related cricket remark i.e. "Oi Goat are you gonna come for a swim later man?"
"Gotta watch those lofted coverdrives" (Goat says this as he has a practice swing with a cricket bat)
9:40 - 10:15PM Goat locks himself in his car and cranks music to max volume, still unresponsive
10:15 - 10:45PM Turns on his ignition and goes crazy driving, Lodge and I jump in to make sure he does nothing too extreme, I get out after 5 mins because of severe car sickness. Goat comes back unharmed, Lodge a little shaken
10:45 - 11:25PM Makes 'Quick' phone call in the sand dunes to sister and Trav (might even have been longer than 40 minutes)
11:30PM We all tell Goat that we can't wait any longer for him and head off to the beach for a late night swim, as we leave we hear glass bottles and cans being smashed and Goat grunting loudly out of frustration for some reason

















Maybe my recollection of these events are a little biased, but I'm sure anyone else there would agree that his behaviour was a little weird.

DECEMBER

Hidden Creek
Since footy wound up in September, I have finally had time to go back to the sacred spot known as Hidden Creek. It is actually a really nice place to go to in Summer to drink export. The crew has been hitting it up a bit during the evenings to discuss usual HH topics. The dodgy Hills brigade even attempted to ambush the two Hood boys but failed pretty miserably because they are from the Hills and one of them is a Mexican. Goat has even incorporated Hidden Creek into his fitness regime, running there Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings around 6PM...so if you want 2 ambush him, that would be the time to do it!

Metros/Goat's Cricket Game
One night, the entire Hills Hood minus Goat went to Metros Freo, after cheering on Goat at his cricket game. The night wasn't bad, think everyone was pretty smashed...think it would have been better and certainly a lot more interesting if Goat had tagged along. Cricket game was Hi-Larious! Trav made a banner (Funny Banner Photo) and we hurled a fair bit of support (i meant abuse) Goat's way. I seriously did not give a fuck haha...poor Goat, just can't escape us.

JANUARY

SouthBound
SouthBound was really, really good! Camping for 3 days, drinking, dancing and fucking around. It was seriously good! I got evicted for having an extremely big cock (forgot I had 3 bottles of alcohol down my pants) within two hours of arriving but faked out the fat bitch security guard with a fake wristy and got back in. Bird ran riot in the Vodka tent breaking those plastic, illuminated coffee tables things and also tearing the balloons off the roof. We had a really good crew so yeah, it was pretty awesome. Makes you realise how much better having fun with your mates is than work and anything else.

















Jeff's Wild Celebrations
Fuck, what a crazy night. Just going to briefly touch on this. Bird talked Sparrow and myself into sharing a 1L bottle of smirnoff, in the hour before we headed out for Jeff's Bday. WE REALLY GOT FUCKED UP! Sparrow threw up everywhere in the Brass Monkey within minutes of arriving. The sink was overflowing from his vomit. Bird got rowdy like usual, sniped some fuckhead in the head. We then left the Brass Monkey...this is where my memory gets really blurry. I threw my phone at the footpath several times (it is really fucked up). Got kicked out of the Deen, screamed and shouted really loudly...I don't remember this shit but Jism and Trav have informed of me of how fucked I actually was. I tried to get into another nightclub but blew .248 or .284...I don't know. Clint from footy found me on a bench, throwing my wallet in front of cars and making them stop. He rightfully threw me into a taxi and sent me home.

I got out of the Taxi around 2am i think, I woke up on the side of Welshpool rd around 4am with my wallet and bank cards scattered across the verge. I was really fucked, when I saw Jas the next morning he clearly was too. Bird drove to maccas when he got home that morning...drove through a couple of roundabouts...such a C-razy night!

Anyway, I felt I should finish this post off since I promised I would. At least now I can move on and write a more up-to-date blog next time.

Hills Hood needs to take it to the next level

Hello readers from Norway to Canada, Lesmurdie to Forrestfield, Kalamunda to Kenwick, Italy to Wattle Grove,

As it can be seen from the title, I think the hills hood name is fledgling and we need to get this place pimping. I think at the moment we are not taking the opportunity to take advantage of the full business potentials of such a magnificent blog website. I think with the correct business ideas, each member of the hills hood could easily become millionaires almost making scott and goats bet many years ago void.

My idea is that we register as a business, travel over to bali or some dodgy asian place like that. While there, we buy heaps of counterfeit shit and sell it online through the hills hood website. Because of the massive volumes of people through our website (due to tags such as mazda2, the great weight loss challenge and to catch a predator) this is bound to results in massive amounts of income. Once we've done this, we move back to aus to retire or in certain peoples cases invite back their purchased wives. I've just thought of another thing we could sell as well and can't be bothered putting earlier in this paragraph and that would be wives. Due to banyards need for multiple girls because every wife of his runs away and he can't catch up, this will provide us with a steady income as well as a steady ability to make banyard bankrupt. This would then result in us buying the shack of him and no longer being required to put up with that fat, seedy and quite scary bastard. In order to start this, I believe we will need a hills hood member who has a degree in commerce. I think we will work on the idea that they do all the work followed by a sharing of the money because I am sure this particular person I am thinking of has already made a lot of money through adverts on the website.

But enough of these boring business ideas, the real important news which needs to be spread from this blog is one of the largest victories ever seen in tennis court cricket which occurred today. As it is well known, this competition is one of the most competitive in the world with the winner rewarded with the entirety of Australia except for the other gangs area. So it was with this on the line that the latest hills hood tennis court challenge for the scott djiijkmans cancer trophy began in front of packed stands. The representatives for each team were scott and goat for the hood while me and trav played for the hills. The hills drew first blood when they won the toss and chose to bat with a solid partnership beginning. The method which we chose to use was the brace and cover technique which was first introduced in the last game but was poorly executed by me. However, this time with hours and hours of practice under our belts it looked like we were gonna play a solid defensive game of cricket.

After the first innings, the scores were quite close. However, in the second innings, a different scott came to play. While in the first innings his commitment was second to none, I believe the poor performance of his playing partner somewhat disheartened him. From here on in, a win for the hills was almost guaranteed with infighting severely distracting the visiting team. And by the final innings, scott pretty gave up and started batting around his groin region. It was not a pretty sight but the result was grand with the hills winning by 46 runs to 15 over the space of four innings each. This gave the hills once again the power of australia with plans of world domination in tennis court cricket being discussed as well as general plans of world domination. The second one may need a bit of help from the hood members but we'll see what happens.

After the match, scotty left very quickly prompting multiple theories on why he had. It was decided by the remaining hills hood members that he must have come down with schizophrenia. To try and show respect for his problem, a new trophy was made for the winner of the hills hood challenge in tennis. In honour of scott, the winner will now receive the schizo cup along with a prize of 1 million dollars from the losing side. The losing side will also be required to 1 million dollars to schizophrenia research so goat, scott and biggles aren't going to be making much money over the next few years even after they start their jobs.

That about wraps it up from me. But I thought I would leave you all with an image which has been disturbing me, jac and kiel since last friday when we went down to northbridge with trav. to set the scene, northbridge was pretty much dead with some theorists claiming it was due to southbound. So we just made a night of it drinking, going from place to place searching for the girls. We started at the shed, then moved to the deen, then to the mint, followed by the paramount and finally to the library. However the most horrific thing occurred at the paramount. It was around 130 in the morning and we got in to find about 15 people downstairs so we went upstairs where there probably would have been 40 people comprising of 38 guys and 2 girls. Trav decided what he wanted was the whale of these 2 girls and for the next 5 minutes jac, kiel and me saw in horror what happened which was only ended when the whales friend took the whale away. I managed to find a photo on my phone of this but be warned, the image can be quite



JISM OUT

2010

Dear Hills Hood Faithfuls,

It is now the year twenty-ten, and to get the ball rolling on what could be the breakthrough year for the HH Blog site, a ripper first blog is needed to launch our site into international stardom. As nothing of real interest has occurred this side of the decade, I feel a recap of the celebrations from the years ending/beginning is necessary.

Let’s go back to December 30, the night before the night of interest.

It was a cool summer evening (by Australian standards for our 27 countries worth of international readers) and I was loitering on MSN as per usual when nothing exciting is on TV. I was having a conversation with Trevor, about how shady Diji is no doubt, when suddenly he asks “wanna go to Wedge for New Years?" Now my first thoughts of spending new years at Wedge were of Banyard locking us in the shack and telling stories from his imaginary youth while sending pictures of his undoubtedly STD ridden little fella to Finchy. As you can see, I was rather sceptic of the idea at the time, but after Trevor mentioned his near certain love life was going, along with a host of other familiar character such as JB and Ben Tuckey, I said I'll pull some strings n get the accommodation sorted in the morning. By this stage it was rather late, and by the time I got to sleep it was 3 am.

Moving forward to December 31, the day of the night of interest.

As arranged the night before, Trevor gives me a wakeup call at 8 am, which I answer and go back to sleep, citing the fact that Banyard was likely to be asleep or jacking it at 8 am in the morning and wouldn't answer his phone. The next hour of sleep was bliss, but far too short, and at 9 am I was back awake, phone in hand doing the ring around to get the wedge shack for the big night. Banyard was still unavailable at this time, so I just left my number, and hoped he didn't answer due to the fact he didn't have reception as he was already in Wedge. Luckily the Bandawg rang back within the hour and stuttered his way to saying the shack was free for use.

With confirmation received for use of the shack, the next task was convincing Jism to join the crew. To start off I attempted to reason with the stubborn Hills member, using arguments such as “why would you want to bring in the new year surrounded by 60 year old Asian women with chronic gambling addictions” and “If you don’t come to wedge you’re gay.” Not a single argument seemed to work, and just as I was about to give up hope the line, “wedge is way better than the Cas,” was uttered via msn to Jism’s eyes, which is true of course. All of a sudden the Hills member cracked, and we had a three man crew set for Wedge.

As we hadn’t planned this trip, we all had to do a Diji, and do some last minute shopping. I fanged it down to the local Foodworks to get supplies and for a change I didn’t get 5 weeks’ worth of snack food, although did end up with a fair bit of meat. Next stop was the Bottleo, where I picked up a cheap and nasty carton of cider, thinking Trevor was getting me a block of export from celebrations for a measly 30 bucks. I returned home to finish packing up the car, and when the Hills duo of Trevor and Jism arrived, they had already loaded their drinks into Trev’s super eski. It wasn’t until later that there had been a miss communication, causing the block of export to never come along for the ride. The fact that the Hills duo also mistook a BWS for a Celebrations store, and never actually got any export made the matter pretty funny.

The drive there was pretty standard apart from the fact that we went a completely different route, due to Trevor requiring to return books to university about a month late. Driving into Curtin, there was an Asian being a retard n walking down the road while two cars tried to drive past each other. One of those cars was mine, and as we passed the Asian, Trevor smashed down on the horn, the guy probably shat himself. The only problem was the guy was bound to pass our parking spot, and he also crossed Trev’s and Jism’s path as they tried to return books. Luckily no confrontation ensued, as he was definitely way to buff for Trevor and Jism to handle (jks).

We get into Lancelin at about 3, to find the road barricaded by cops, checking for unregistered vehicles and drink driving, and seeing we were all good we passed straight through to the bakery. Jism and Trevor went into the bakery to get a feed, while I let down the tires for some mild off-roading. Trev came back first with a sausage roll, before Jism came back with my order of a steak and onion pie, or did he. To my disappointment, the simplest of tasks was beyond the Hills member, buying me a chilli pie, which he thought was a cheese pie. Ridiculous.

Before long we were onto the tracks, and due to Jism’s misdemeanour at the bakery, I made life a bit rough in the back. The trip took longer than memory, possibly due to the fact I didn’t let my tires down very much, and the track was pretty crap. We went the full way round, crossing the new road twice, not realising that it was a massive short cut and time saver.

Anyway after a few bumps and stuff we made it into Wedge to find the place in chaos. At this stage it was like 4pm or something, and people were camped everywhere, bikes were fanging it around the tracks and the dunes alike. After unpacking the car, we went to scope out the place and find the infamous JB. Driving out towards the dunes we encounter our first surprise of the trip, seeing an Astra in Wedge. This surprise was multiplied as we drove past cars such as lowered Commodores, Magnas, Lancers and even a shitbox of an Excel. Obviously this meant that the new road was through to Wedge, or closes enough that two wheel drive cars could make it along a short section of tracks. As we closed in on the dunes, the general consensus was that Wedge should have been renamed tent land for the weekend. People were camped everywhere, some dodgy rats even clearing a camping site, damaging some of the precious local environment.

Anyway we make it to the dunes, looking for a green Challenger. There are cars everywhere; a green Triton is smashing nuts at the base of the dunes, while there were at least 25 cars up in the dunes trying to get a poll possie to watch the sunset from Reflection or Bird point. After driving up to the top of the dunes and watching a jeep get bogged and un-bogged we noticed the car of interest. We head back down to find JB jacking in the back of the car, well by jacking I mean sitting, so we get the shady dog to join us for a trip around the place. As we are about to leave the dunes, so nutter goes to start whipping a few donuts, but fails hard, in a company Ute, blowing the front tyre off the rim. Unlucky.

Anyway driving towards the beach, there are more campers and cars, the place is packed. We hit the beach and drive along until we find our track, and head back towards the shack. I almost crash into a Ute coming around a corner, but luckily both our cars had working breaks, otherwise Jism would have flown through the window as well as shitting his pants. With Jism shitting himself I had to smash it back to shack (didn’t want stains on my seats), and after passing a few cars we discovered there were also some girls at wedge for a change. Getting back to the shack, we show JB our pad, which makes him rather jealous, before we start smashing down some brews, or in Trevor’s case, more brews.

To Be Continued....

As I cant be bothered finishing this blog yet, ill leave you all in suspense. The next blog will contain photos and a recipe for making a wedge biscuit. Peace Nigs

Summer, At Last

Summer is finally among us. Good times to be had by all. After having a pretty shifty semester that involved too much procrastination, way too many Mothers and missing too many social events I am glad Summer is here. Hadn't seen most of the gang since Kal Cup (great weekend) and probably hadn't seen a few of the boys since July so it's good to be back home. The dreaded Thesis caused me to miss Wedge which was pretty devastating. Also missed other events such Oktoberfest, 3 mexican's 21sts and half of the Gold Coast trip. Anyway, enough of this bitching, I'm just glad that shit is over.

Word on the grapevine is that Brother Birdy was the newest member of the clan to visit the pristine location known as Wedge. Could he be paving the way for Sparrow to make an appearance? Unlikely you say! Well, stranger things have happened, like the things Scott does on a daily basis. I've recently come across his Twitter account. Check this crazy shit out. You might need an account to view his somewhat bizarre Twitter usage. Diji has also been speaking of going and staying in Sydney with his lesbian aunties for a while due to extreme boredom. While I was still doing Uni work I wondered how he could possibly be bored and I thought of all the things I could do over Summer. Turns out I'm bored. Anyway, back to Diji going to Sydney... His recent behaviour has suggested he's going over to meet a girl and there are rumours circulating that Biggles has been giving him tips on Biggles' tried and proven approach to the situation. Regardless, Scott's inability to organise his own lunch, let alone his own holiday, could be his biggest downfall. Time is ticking Diji, you could prove your critics wrong.

Last weekend was pretty decent. Made a banner for goat which inspired some miraculous fielding by him. Must have drank around 40 beers between the spectators, which isn't a bad effort for a lazy Saturday afternoon.

Hopefully Goat get's dropped to C grade this week so we don't have to travel all the way to Mundaring to show our love. Also hoping that Goat scores a tonne so he gets some spark back in his life. He always goes wild after big sporting achievements ( Footy Grand Final, LOL). Goat has definitely seemed very subdued and reserved lately and a century or 5 wicket haul is just what the doctor ordered. The night was decent as well. Bird became the first person to successfully pull off "The Creep" which may inspire Goat to have another crack at it. After leaving Metros we were lucky enough to skip the massive taxi line and get straight into a waiting Maxitaxi. Lodge thought it was appropriate to stir up the other people in the queue by reminding them how long they would have to wait for a taxi as we walked to the front of the line. Funny shit, reminded me of the Lodge of old before the Brown Bear days.

Lodge departs for Canada soon. Have to have a bbq or something son! Should be pretty sweet (and cold). All the best son. I am looking forward to 2010. Start working and actually earning some decent money. Being a poor Uni student sucks balls. I'll be able to finally get rid of this

and get something like this

Currently looking at houses in Kalgoorlie with a few of the boys. This is one that we are looking at. It's quite pimp.

The balcony overlooking the racecourse is pretty cool. Hopefully we get it.

During the Gold Coast Trip I decided to write a diary blog. Problem is I only wrote one entry hahaha. Here it is in all of it's glory...

Day 1

Goat, Jim and I got to the airport at about 5.50AM and met up with Hodgins 1, Hodgins 2 and Julius. Surprisingly the Mexicans were not targeted by staff with regards to drug smuggling , border jumping etc and we made it to Adelaide smoothly. The flight was pretty boring, pretty sure virgin use planes that were made in the 1950’s. Goat joined the Mile High Club with his good friend Mrs Palmer. Adelaide looked pretty shifty, don’t know why anybody would live there!

Finally touched down on the Gold Coast at around 2.30 PM. There were Schoolies everywhere. I considered pulling the “Toolies 09” pose that Scott suggested but thought it probably wasn’t the best Idea. Didn’t have a clue where our Apartment was, luckily the crazy Indian taxi driver had a GPS. The taxi driver was an absolute nutter, weaving in and out of traffic and exceeding the speed limit by 40km/hr in the city while he talked in some crazy Indian language on his phone. Hodgins 1 and I didn’t have seatbelts and we were fearing for our lives. Finally arrived at the apartment and the fare was close to 70 bucks. Ridiculous. The apartment is alright, nothing too fancy but it’s in a pretty decent location. There were only four beds and there are 6 of us so I went and got this old, dodgly fold out bed with a ripped mattress. Apparently going and getting the bed meant I should be the one sleeping on it. Decided to go check out the giant shopping centre that’s across the road from the apartment. The number of girls and the quality of the girls was a shock to the system. Definitely been in Kalgoorlie for too long.

Started drinking in the late arvo and caught a bus into town. Went to a place called the Beer Garden and then to a random club. Coronas were only 5 bucks which I think turned out to be a little too tempting. Last memory of the night ends here.

Day 2

Woke up face down on the floor under a table with a condom tucked under my chin and drawings on my arm. Worked out I must have drank about 5 litres of beer and 2 shots of spirits last night. I went to the beach while the others slept. When I got back Goat was wearing a Gimp mask, very disturbing.

Goatman has also purchased a new superduper fancy electric razor. Might have to start calling him "Man" soon.

This Summer's Agenda

• First off....Eat Fillet
• Hopefully another Wedge trip for those of us that weren't fortunate enough to participate in the first 1
• BBQ's
• Probably won't be any drinking....not
• Goat better score a century
• Diji will live an alternative lifestyle with his Aunties.
• Actually try to get fit for footy this year.

A lack of funds was looking like it could place a limitation on the fun factor of this Summer but luckily I put my thinking cap on and applied for a credit card. They have offered me a $9500 limit hahaha. This could be trouble.

Some random pics from recent times

I joined the Sneaky fan club

MATTERS OF IMPORTANCE

Throw up some Ideas for Goatman's banner this week.

• Come on Goat, do something! You're not out there to eat grass!!!!!!