Gather round my children and let me tell you a glorious story about a perfect spring afternoon. It was in Kalgoorlie at the world famous Kalgoorlie Cup. The day started off well with everyone behaving sensibly before the piss was hit hard. The next few hours have been described below but the result of goat locking himself in his room and sleeping caused controversy. This meant he wasn't able to compete in the hills hood drinking competition at wherever we went that night. Long story short, Scott put up a gallant effort but with Trav carrying two empty kegs home (which he finished himself) the result was obvious. With hood wanting to hold their honour, the reigning cancer trophy champions decided that cricket was the way to try and earn back the respect which was lost in the old town of Kalgoorlie. So a challenge was set.
Fast forward a week and on the last Sunday in September, the cancer trophy was placed on the line again. The signs were looking good for the hood when before the game, the goat pulled off 2 awesome shots while taking on trav in tennis, although some would say they were lucky. But that was where the day started going bad. First up they lost the toss and got put into bat on a challenging wicket. Over the next 50 overs and 7 hours, some of the greatest tennis court cricket was played with some of the most solid defensive techniques in place. These defense methods were mainly the block the ball with your body if its on the stumps showing the true courage of all participants. But there could be only one winner. With the hood having set the hills 8 runs to win off the last innings.
The hills quickly lost their first wicked leaving the run chase in a precarious position. But the true heart shown by their members got them closer and closer to the target. Eventually only one run was needed for the win. As continual flesh counts occurred, the battered and bruised hills members chose to end it with a magnificent glide between bat and pad straight into the ground and promptly ran through for the tight single. The goat who was fielding too close did not have enough time to react as trav ran the single quicker than usain bolt could have and made it home comfortably prompting massive celebrations in the region. Immediately there were complaints from a certain hood member that the run out was actually out but he got shut down.
So that is the glorious story of how the hills reinforced the losing attitude of the hood. I'm pretty sure now the hood have no titles but challenges will be expected. Not in drinking though. They got no hope. I see the only option for them is to retire and bring in the new generation of hood members. Rat girl, that trashy pregnant 14 year old, the petrol sniffers and the fellas from just round the corner. The hills wishes these members good luck
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Kalgoorlie Cup '09
12 months after deciding against the 6 hour laborious trip east to the wife-beater and export capital of Western Australia, Kalgoorlie, we decided that the long journey was worth it if it meant we would get a chance to see the infamous 'Creep' move performed by Goat.
The trip was very long and very boring but Bird kept the crew happy with his retro 90s remixes. Jism made an early statement by downing a 12-inch monster seafood sub in Merriden, very controversial. As Jism was still finishing his super-sub we sped past a cop car which did a U-turn and turned on the sirens. I thought I was fucked but luckily the cops couldn't catch us and pulled over the 4wd behind which was also
speeding.
When we did finally arrive in K-Goorlie we followed Goat's directions and ended up nowhere near Agricola College.
"Turn left at the 3rd traffic lights" Goat.
There's like four traffic lights in the whole town and you still can't even get it right Goat! I guess we should just be happy that he wasn't asleep like the rest of the weekend haha! We all went to subway on the way because Goat had promised to cook us dinner which we were very skeptical about, it was surprisingly decent.
We went out soon after Goat's feast to check out the town. It was pretty packed and we were all surprised to see decent girls out. Funniest shit when all Goat and Trav's uni mates commented on how shocked they were to see Goat out lol. We all got fairly smashed and headed from Judds to De Bernales, nearly got into a couple of fights along the way. Goat left soon after getting into DEBO's followed by Jim, we were all unhappy with Goat's performance so decided to give Goat a late night beatdown.
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We got home pretty late after planning a low-key night, then went in for the kill at Goat's room. The Top Dog next door to Goat's was angry that we woke him up and threatened to sanction Trav, so Trav ran through the hallway screaming and shouting haha. Some other random shit happened, but you must understand Goat, that BRITTANY IS HOT!
FAST FORWARD
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Saturday, woke up realised my car keys were gone. I was pretty drunk the night before and thought I must of just chucked them in the room somewhere, no big deal. Jim woke me up by throwing up right outside my window. I soon realised that my car had mine and Bird's sunnies which was annoying as fuck. KALGOORLIE CUP MOTHER FUCKER! Snuck a couple of flaskies in and hit the wine from the start, smashed that down pretty quick so Jim and I went back for some more.
30 MINUTES LATER
Jism and I come back with another couple of bottles of wine and find Goat smashed. WTF? I have not seen Goat drunk for soo long it was a surreal experience. We met some girls from the guild who were complaining about being woken up last night by some yobbos screaming and shouting outside their rooms LOL. The races were good, Bird raked in some decent money and re-ignited his TAB addiction. Goat supposedly
got kicked out and we pretty much didn't see him again that night apart from a BEATDOWN.
Goat locked himself in his room, closed the curtins, turned off the lights and passed out at 8pm. He woke up with 43 missed calls. This was definitely the most controversial and the worst form of the whole trip. We went out again that night without Goat, back to Judds and DEBOs, met up with Sneaky and her hot friend, Trav and Jism stayed out and ventured to the Palace (Kalgoorlie Paramount), I was chased by some coons. Called Goat up for like the 30th time (literally) and went up to his for some late night Zombie action.
We were smashing out the Zombies, had double lazer and everything when we heard this loud, metallic banging outside the room. The door opens and this huge keg of TEDs drops on the floor.
" Oii man I carried two Kegs back and gave one to this abbo in the park"
That's not even the funniest part! Before we left DEBOs, Sneaky and her friend repeatedly told us not to wake them up that night. Trav and I go into the kitchen right outside the common room where they were sleeping and Trav throws the keg up in the air, smashing into the concrete floor. It pretty much woke everyone in Agricola College up, Hi-Larious!
Next morning whilst I was playing Zombies with Goat, Jim wakes up, walks onto the balcony and throws up everywhere. Classic Jism. I was freaking out pretty badly Sunday morning because didn't know how the fuck we were going to get home without any car keys. Luckily a good Samaritan handed them into the Police Station. All in all it was a Fucking good weekend!
Other Funny Shit
- We went to the Police Station Saturday night after the races, asked if they had my keys, he said no, as we were walking off Trav throws a can of wine at their window followed by several rocks.
- Eddie Mabo talked to Trav for 15 minutes on how to pick up girls, how to cure cancer and some shit about sharks. He then preceded to walk inside Red Rooster and continue his conversation with T-Rav for another 10 awkward minutes. We saw him the next day in Boulder so Trav repeatedly beeped his horn and shout "Eyyy Bro" out the window.
- Goat, Goat, Goat...for shame
The trip was very long and very boring but Bird kept the crew happy with his retro 90s remixes. Jism made an early statement by downing a 12-inch monster seafood sub in Merriden, very controversial. As Jism was still finishing his super-sub we sped past a cop car which did a U-turn and turned on the sirens. I thought I was fucked but luckily the cops couldn't catch us and pulled over the 4wd behind which was also
speeding.
When we did finally arrive in K-Goorlie we followed Goat's directions and ended up nowhere near Agricola College.
"Turn left at the 3rd traffic lights" Goat.
There's like four traffic lights in the whole town and you still can't even get it right Goat! I guess we should just be happy that he wasn't asleep like the rest of the weekend haha! We all went to subway on the way because Goat had promised to cook us dinner which we were very skeptical about, it was surprisingly decent.
We went out soon after Goat's feast to check out the town. It was pretty packed and we were all surprised to see decent girls out. Funniest shit when all Goat and Trav's uni mates commented on how shocked they were to see Goat out lol. We all got fairly smashed and headed from Judds to De Bernales, nearly got into a couple of fights along the way. Goat left soon after getting into DEBO's followed by Jim, we were all unhappy with Goat's performance so decided to give Goat a late night beatdown.
.jpg)
We got home pretty late after planning a low-key night, then went in for the kill at Goat's room. The Top Dog next door to Goat's was angry that we woke him up and threatened to sanction Trav, so Trav ran through the hallway screaming and shouting haha. Some other random shit happened, but you must understand Goat, that BRITTANY IS HOT!
FAST FORWARD
.jpg)
Saturday, woke up realised my car keys were gone. I was pretty drunk the night before and thought I must of just chucked them in the room somewhere, no big deal. Jim woke me up by throwing up right outside my window. I soon realised that my car had mine and Bird's sunnies which was annoying as fuck. KALGOORLIE CUP MOTHER FUCKER! Snuck a couple of flaskies in and hit the wine from the start, smashed that down pretty quick so Jim and I went back for some more.
30 MINUTES LATER
Jism and I come back with another couple of bottles of wine and find Goat smashed. WTF? I have not seen Goat drunk for soo long it was a surreal experience. We met some girls from the guild who were complaining about being woken up last night by some yobbos screaming and shouting outside their rooms LOL. The races were good, Bird raked in some decent money and re-ignited his TAB addiction. Goat supposedly
got kicked out and we pretty much didn't see him again that night apart from a BEATDOWN.
Goat locked himself in his room, closed the curtins, turned off the lights and passed out at 8pm. He woke up with 43 missed calls. This was definitely the most controversial and the worst form of the whole trip. We went out again that night without Goat, back to Judds and DEBOs, met up with Sneaky and her hot friend, Trav and Jism stayed out and ventured to the Palace (Kalgoorlie Paramount), I was chased by some coons. Called Goat up for like the 30th time (literally) and went up to his for some late night Zombie action.
We were smashing out the Zombies, had double lazer and everything when we heard this loud, metallic banging outside the room. The door opens and this huge keg of TEDs drops on the floor.
" Oii man I carried two Kegs back and gave one to this abbo in the park"
That's not even the funniest part! Before we left DEBOs, Sneaky and her friend repeatedly told us not to wake them up that night. Trav and I go into the kitchen right outside the common room where they were sleeping and Trav throws the keg up in the air, smashing into the concrete floor. It pretty much woke everyone in Agricola College up, Hi-Larious!
Next morning whilst I was playing Zombies with Goat, Jim wakes up, walks onto the balcony and throws up everywhere. Classic Jism. I was freaking out pretty badly Sunday morning because didn't know how the fuck we were going to get home without any car keys. Luckily a good Samaritan handed them into the Police Station. All in all it was a Fucking good weekend!
Other Funny Shit
- We went to the Police Station Saturday night after the races, asked if they had my keys, he said no, as we were walking off Trav throws a can of wine at their window followed by several rocks.
- Eddie Mabo talked to Trav for 15 minutes on how to pick up girls, how to cure cancer and some shit about sharks. He then preceded to walk inside Red Rooster and continue his conversation with T-Rav for another 10 awkward minutes. We saw him the next day in Boulder so Trav repeatedly beeped his horn and shout "Eyyy Bro" out the window.
- Goat, Goat, Goat...for shame
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