Thailand 2012: The rise of The Gunner

So I recently got back from Thailand for the second time in 11 months. This trip was much different from last year's, but that doesn't mean it wasn't as good. So much shit went down ranging from the good to the terrible.

First night pre-drinks at Mexican place

Perhaps the most interesting thing to come out of the trip, was the emergence of a personality, so irrepressible that even a country as vast and magical as Thailand struggled to handle. This bigger than life personality had been witnessed by many on a much smaller scale; glimpses of such amazing talent which few believed could be mastered and taken to a level far beyond the normal boundaries of reality. The man who many refer to as "Swagger" or "BB Gunner" took slut hunting to a whole new level. Personally, I felt a bit uncomfortable and unworthy whenever in The Gunner's presence. This is understandable considering the outrageous amount of girls the great man managed to seduce during the two-week slut-hunt, with his unmatchable charm and outrageous swagger. Anyway, back to the story.

The Gunner's swagger was unprecedented; he put the local, black MC from Seduction to shame. So much swagger and so much charisma, The Gunner was in a world of his own. The Gunner was in such good form that he spent more time in the room next door with the three girls, than with any of us... he must have been tired ;). He even embarrassed Quattro in front of the crew during a nice sit down meal where he meticulously tore Quattro's assertion about soccer to pieces. I guess he should have known better than to question the great man's unrivalled sporting intellect. How can one man know so much? The Gunner even put on a show for the locals by demonstrating his sexual prowess on the beach one night, which he performed on an unnamed beauty. I imagine it must have been quite a spectacle.

Is this the beach where it happened??

You might be thinking "Gee, you are spending a long time talking about this 'Gunner' character, how about you go back to Ant's Asians?", the fact of the matter is, most of this trip revolved around the infamous character. He was the star attraction. Basically, he made us look cool!

AFT for the win! #swackin'

Tuesday the 27th of September - The Arrival
This year's crew was much the same as last year's, with one exception: JC "The Smooth Operator" had been replaced by an eager newcomer, Corey "The Chest" Johnson. "The Smooth Operator" had been an early withdrawal from the lineup due to his plumbing commitments, I hear they are going very well. There was one more twist to this already dubious adventure.... Two newcomers: "The Man in the Mirror" and "Quattro". Two of Lesmurdie's finest agreed to join the team halfway through our holiday to give us some much needed firepower. A total of seven all-stars in one location, in one hotel... things could get messy. And messy they did... or did they??

So the first night was somewhat different to last year's (click here), even though we tried our best to replicate that fateful first night. Firstly, we arrived mid afternoon as opposed to the evening and this time it was a Tuesday and not a wild and lively Saturday. The start of the first night was probably one of the most controversial starts to a trip on record. It involved an intense stand-off which I was one of the involved parties. I won't go into detail but it was intense but it was amicably resolved after much discussion. Anyway, back to the action.

Vodka & Cigars

New rooms side-by-side-by-side, cigars and vodka on the balcony with INNA playing in the background. The pool was illuminated which added to the ambiance, but one thing was missing this time, which personally, had a very profound affect on me. It just so happened that all three of our rooms were located along the bottom side of a U-like hotel floor plan; this meant that unlike last time, we were unable to peep into other people's rooms which were facing us. When we looked straight ahead from our room we were looking at palm trees on the outskirts of the pool courtyard. I was personally devastated. I got such an adrenaline rush from spying on hot girls getting changed in their hotel rooms last year, especially during pre-drinks and before the pre-vodka bar cocktail energy drink skull-off. Holy fuck it sucked!

So for the whole trip I didn't manage to spy on any hot girls walking around their hotel rooms naked, or being able to shoot people in the face with our lasers, or being able to prank fuckheads with shit haircuts while they were getting intimate with their girlfriends. Back to the story. After the usual religious pre-drink ritual, we went to the Vodka Bar next to Starbucks for LIITs or whatever fruity cocktails they had on offer. 30 mins later run down Bangla Rd and to the Margharitaville Bar for Chesty's first ever Barrel. "The Chest" practically ate the barrel. I assume most of the alcohol was stored in his enormous chest for later use like camels do. The dude has a big chest hahaha. We were all pretty drunk by this stage so it was finally time. The place we had been waiting 11 months to come back and visit. The place where boys became men and legends were made. SEDUCTION

SEDUCTION DISCOTEQUE
For me, Seduction is probably my favourite nightclub at the moment; way better than Capitol or any other club in Perth. This is probably for the simple fact that when we go to Seduction we are obviously all on holiday, in a foreign country and looking to hunt sluts and drink as many LIITs and energy drinks as we can. The place is amazing! I'm pretty sure Ant had something to do with this, but when we got in there, it was like we were VIP. We had out own little female Thai bartender (she was kind of cute), our own Muay Thai Bouncer and our own token gay guy (I wasn't a big fan of this guy... ask Sully). But yeah, Seduction was awesome.

I had just completed my Master's degree and was pretty keen to let loose on this trip, to make up for all those days and nights where I only ate carrots, potatoes and eggs because I didn't have a job to buy food. So my plan for the first night was, to just find a nice, easy girl who was attractive enough and to get the ball rolling. From what I recall, Seduction just wasn't happening for me so I consulted my fellow slut hunter 'punji' and decided to make an unnoticed exit and head to the notorious Hollywood discoteque, which is a favourite of the locals.

I had no intentions of hooking up with any Thai or Asian girls, I was merely hoping that there might have been one or two diamonds in the rough (Caucasian girls). I was right! Three Australian girls. Somehow, "The Chest" appeared out of nowhere and was dancing with one of them which left the other two alone at the table. One of the two I really, really wasn't keen on... the other one... well I guess I was pretty drunk haha, anyway she was a nice girl :P. So I started talking to the nice, petite Adelaide girl (I think she was from Adelaide?) enter Swagger. The Swagger comes out of nowhere and aggressively tries to pull the robbery on the two beauties, this may have been a blessing in disguise. Nek minnit the Swagger and the grenade are going at it :O I am pretty drunk and don't seem to notice how average Gunner's girl actually is, but she was a doozy!

 The Gunner and The Chest in action

Oh shit

Anyway, I went in for the kill on the little sweety, so I ate a glow stick and pulled out a crafty Dutch manouver. I tried to kiss her with the glow stick liquid in my mouth but she pulled back and shut me down with the old "'I have a boyfriend" trick.

So we're all in Hollywood, we're all drunk. Corey is with the prawn, Gunner is hooking up with the least attractive of the three girls, Sully I'm pretty sure was just dancing and Ant was seducing one of the locals and becoming very intimate with her haha. So I'm still with the friend because she has no one else to be with and there are no other white girls for me to victimize. I'm being nice with her but my hunting instincts kicked in. I just ran off out the club and down the escalators as I realised time was running out to find a girl for the night. I probably would have just about hooked up with any white girl at this point as long as she had a decent face and wasn't fat (who am I kidding? I would have probably hooked up with a fat girl too hahaha). I ran back to the place which had brought us so much success last year, SEDUCTION. Upstairs was open, I'm by myself. It's getting late and a few girls still left but the majority of revellers were guys. I'm dancing by myself on the dance floor to see if any girls come up to me... no luck. But that doesn't stop me, I'm so committed to finding a girl by myself and being able to lick her face.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, so I grab a cigarette (I had never smoked a cigarette in my life until this point) and proceed to smoke it on the outskirts of the dance floor. Eventually I see this blonde girl who looks like she might be 'dtf' material, I wait till she walks past then I casually offer her a drag like a true Slut hunter. She accepts haha. I use the cigarette to get closer and closer to her face, then Bang! I'm in. The crafty Dutchman has actually pulled off a high level slut hunting technique to seduce the buxom Brit.

After hooking up with girl for awhile I am eventually cock-blocked by her fat and jealous friend who clearly suffered from a case of FBS, anyway I went home soon after semi-content but not fully-satisfied. I am surprised to find zero girls in my hotel room when I get back; Corey tells me that his girl wasn't interested in coming back for and the Gunner's girl chose food over him. Ant is missing though and does not return until lunch the next day. Go figure haha.

Phuket Beach Rd on a wet night

Wednesday 28th - Saturday 1st of October
The next couple of nights were pretty stock standard I guess? We all just GTL'd and did the usual routine every night. Ant did a few more Thai girls. There were a few more arguments. Sully and I broke into the room next door and befriended the three girls there haha. We even showed them the ropes one night and went to a Ping Pong show which was amazing! One of the girls was mesmerized by Corey's chest and they ended up locking themselves in my room that night :O.. what went down I never want to know! That same night, "The Gunner" slept in the girl's room with the other two girls... I'm not sure what happened but one thing's for sure, Gunner slipped back into his room in the still of the night with only his boxers on ;).

The Saturday was actually a pretty amazing day for two (or maybe three) reasons:
1. The AFL Grand Final was broadcast on one of the channels we could watch from our rooms :D so we didn't have to get up early and go to the Aussie Bar. This was pretty amazing, literally no one was in the pool the whole afternoon whilst the GF was on. It was awesome and I won't forget.
2. Ant finally showed us the mythical Russian strip club for the first time, 'Moulin Rouge'. The place is like heaven; hot eastern European hotties who obviously had never seen a burger in their lives. I didn't want to tip them since I was being a Jew but they forced it out of me anyway. They were that good haha. They were pretty hot but that wasn't the best part... they played INNA! Not just INNA but all these Russian, Ukrainian and Romanian DJs whom we'd never really heard of. Ant, Sully and C.C Chest, all fell in love; there was Anja, Mila and Corey's one (her name I'll never know), I'll just call her John. These three Cleopatra's of the Siberian Wilderness were all remarkably loyal, except for John whom I spotted with another man recently when I stalked the Seduction club photos on one of my daily Facebook stalk sessions. Sorry Chesty.

Bird stayed home that night but the four of us had an amazing time in Russia :P

Sunday 2nd - Monday 10th: The Two Saiyans Touchdown
The two legends; "Quattro" and "Mirror man" touched down Sunday morning, and made a very impressionable entrance. Gunner made sure he was up early and greeted them on arrival and showed them the ropes like how to pick up girls and also the shortest way to the pool (even though the pool was only 10m's away hahaha). That night, the two soldiers had their first barrels.. what happened next, I'll never forget. Haha nah that night was pretty tame I think?.. I did have a pretty serious conversation with the Gunner that night though, but after that we went home. Will fucken destroyed everyone at Seduction in a tricky drinking challenge, but I think that might have been another night? Even Todd Carney's dusty rat pack were no match for the Mirror Man.

Mirror fucking Man killing it 

The second week was pretty sick (pun lol), we did a fair bit of shopping and we all spent some quality time together haha :). I found out that my parents had picked up my Masters degree so I was pretty stoked and got pretty drunk (surprise surprise). A part from going out and getting pretty drunk every night, we did a fair bit of shopping and went to the beach and stuff (wow, exciting). We fucked around on scooters which was awesome fun, I jacked it, we also ate most days which is always an interesting experience. Sully and Ant spent most of the second week with their Russian girls at their strip club.What else happened? Quattro got down and dirty down an alleyway with one of our next door neighbours (the same one Corey rooted hahahaha), classy girl. I caught yellow fever (her name was Braceface). I thought she was 14 but turns out she was 28 (lol), she was the cutest girl in Thailand, but she made funny noises.

Braceface and friend

I think punji probably had sex with another Thai girl or two but he was spending most of his time at the Russian strip club so he might not have had time? Sully also spent a lot of his time in the back room or alleyway of Moulin Rouge with Anja (she was smoking) hahah. Chesty had a bit of an infection (get it... it's a pun) and was out of action for a couple of tough days like myself. I was really sick for a couple of days all because I kept going to Subway on the way home from Seduction, I think it was actually probably just Karma for being nice enough to give my time to a seedy pommie welfare worker... he told me there was a Starbucks down the road but it ended up being his hotel room.

I figured out what was going on round about this time but went along with it so I had somewhere to eat my sub. After finishing my Italian BMT I turned around and saw the seedy fuck laying right behind me, sprawled out on his bed in just his jocks. I started to get pretty angry at this point as I have had experienced numerous encounters like this before, whereby guys pretend to be nice to you when you are severely drunk or incapacitated, only to try and grab your dick. Luckily, just like this time, my high level Saiyan abilities kicked in and I realised he was a dirty jew who was into cock. I faked the Jew out and used 'Instant Transmission' to warp to the door of his room. He then said "Where are you going?" (poor guy thought he was getting some action that night), I really got angry once I worked out how to open the door and forcefully shouted "I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING YOU DIRTY FUCKING J*W CUNT!!! DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TRY THIS SHIT ON ME AGAIN OR I WILL FUCKING HIT YOU WITH A FUCKING BRICK!!!" And then I ran.

Seduction

I'm running out of things to write about. Seduction was awesome. Quattro was picking up girl's left, right and centre. Mirror Man brought some much needed of class to the Special Forces. I'm sure loads of other stuff happened but I am running out of ideas.

The new & improved lobby at Banthai

So the trip was pretty awesome a part from a few heated arguments here and there. A new legend was born, "The Gunner" - The man who became God. The hotel was being renovated for the most part which blocked off parts of the hotel and prevented stalking for a few sneaky individuals, hopefully if we ever go back ;) it will be up and running and free trade will once again be established between the opposing sides of the hotel. All this writing has gotten me thinking about travelling again for another sneaky adventure. Something tells me Phuket might be on the cards for one last time... let's just say I have some unfinished business :P
Until next time.

Phuket - The first night

October 23rd 2010
5:30PM
We're landing 40 minutes, we all start to wake up. Our first trip together outside of Australia without any parents, just the boys. We all start getting excited, Sully starts fucking around with everyone's tv screens on the back of the seats, we're all so buzzed. We look out the windows and see islands covered with lush vegetation, lovely turquoise water. Holy shit we're nearly in Thailand! Haha. We touchdown just after 6PM, it is overcast, warm and humid. We can't wait to get to the hotel.

It takes a little while to find pens to fill in our arrival cards, get through customs fine without any jittery moments like I experienced in Perth (just the usual dropping all my shit everywhere, hitting my knee on the conveyor belt, trying to take my belt off without my shorts falling down). We're through customs and officially in Phuket, we're so fucking ecstatic! Okay, this is where Mr Organised (Ant), starts to kick arse and show us how valuable an asset he is at getting shit sorted (unlike someone like myself who leaves everything to the last minute).

At the front of the airport it is chaotic, however, Ant finds the taxi driver easily, we chuck our shit in the back and jump in the van. Fuck Yeah! At this time the sun has just set and we only have about 10 minutes before it gets dark. If you have been anywhere in south-east Asia who are obviously familiar with their crazy, erratic driving and their lack of respect for road rules, like I care if he drives on the wrong side of the highway. We all start talking about what the hell is going to happen tonight...are we going to get girls?...if so how many?...do they sell Long Island Iced Teas?...and am I going to do something stupid and end up in Jail? Bird gives us some tips as he had already been to Patong before a couple of years prior, with a former romance.

I am very carsick like always and I am starting to get a little apprehensive. My mum, dad, brother and practically everyone else I know told me before I came "Scott, just don't go wondering off by yourself like you always do and like you did in Europe, just stay with your friends and you'll be fine." We finally get into Patong Beach, HOLY FUCK! The beach is gorgeous, there are lights, noise and people everwhere and fireworks are going off every 5 seconds.This is going to be a crazy, fucking night!

7:30PM
BanThai mother fucker! We're there, right on the beach, in our hotel, the atmosphere is so electric. Ant sorts everything out at the reception and somehow Bird, Sully and my room has been upgraded to a deluxe suite for the night! Team meeting - Ant and Jnr go to your room, get ready then come to ours and we'll head out, okay locked in. So we walk to our room across this pool and as we do we pass a few nice girls....predator mode has started. We get to our pimped room and start going nuts: strip down and put on robes, jump on beds, throwing shit and general shouting.

8PM
Ant & Jnr rock up to our room "What the fuck???? How much have you guys had!" We were so buzzed we hadn't even drank anything just started going crazy and throwing all the beds everywhere. We start smashing down Ant's duty-free black-label Johnnie Walker, we drink a fair bit then head out. Grab pizza at pizza shop next to maccas, then go to vodka bar out the front of Bat Thai and start drinking the one and only Long Island Iced Teas.

Vodka Bar

9PM
Fireworks are going off everywhere, locals trying to sell us everything from chicken porn to cocaine and there seems to be some hot girls around. We go walking for a bit checking out the scenery, eventually we find the coolest road ever, Bangla Rd.

Bangla Rd

Bangla Road is basically the main road in Patong where everything happens. There are locals everywhere trying to sell you everything and anything, endless amounts of nightclubs and bars, and tourists like us everywhere. We walk up and down checking it out and eventually decide to get a drink at the Aussie Bar. More LIITs but eventually we start to get pissed off at each other because we still haven't found a nightclub. We leave and decide to go looking for nightclubs again.

We walk to the end of Bangla Road with no obvious ideas of where we are going to go. At the very end of Bangla Road is a pub called "Rock City" (basically like the Newport in Freo). We go in there, realise that it is in fact not a nightclub but start to drink a bit more and get a bit looser. Eventually we leave, a little disappointed and walk back down Bangla Road, left onto Phuket Beach Road passed our hotel and then turn around and back the way we came.

Everyone starts arguing with each other and clearly getting pissed off because we haven't found a nightclub yet. Ant suggests a nightclub from a flyer/ticket that he was given by a club promoter on Bangla Rd earlier on. I'm not sure if the others actually agreed with him, I don't remember what was said otherwise my night might have been a lot easier.

We start walking up, pushing threw crowds of people on Bangla Rd again when I decide to shake things up a bit. It went something like this.
"I'm going back to the hotel to chuck a shit. I'll meet up with you guys later."
"But you won't be able to find us??"
And then I left...

I briskly walked back to the hotel, went to the bathroom to freshen up and then thought to myself. "What the fuck do I do now?!?"
In these situations (which occur quite regularly), I always start by smashing down some alcohol or energy drinks to clear my mind. There was still a bit of Black label left on the side table so I downed a healthy dose.
My power began to surge, my veins flowed with pure energy, I started to power up and the windows started to shake! I used this power to teleport back out the front of the hotel and my hunt began.

Close to 11PM
I hustled back up Phuket Beach Road with my newly found energy (intoxicated) and quickly found a nightclub. Banana Bar Discoteque, I eagerly made my way in and looked for any signs of the boys, no luck, so I downed another smokey or two. I rounded the corner to Bangla Road and quickly located another nightclub. White Party! What a club. About the size of my bedroom and the drinks there are very suspect. Still no sign. Down the next side arcades I fought through the ladyboys and found an escalator which gave me hope. I was so confident this was the place. My journey was about to end....or was it?? Yes! No! Hollywood Patong Discoteque (please speak to Anant if you want to know what this club is like). It was Chinatown. The nightclub was big and comparable with the likes of Metros Freo (only one story though), the drinks were good also, however, there was only one problem.... THEY WERE ALL ASIAN!!! Don't get me wrong, I very much like Asians (by Asians I mean Thai girls (or boys?) and seedy old caucasian men), but I was not looking for an Asian encounter that night. I left and looked everywhere on Bangla Rd. I went down every single little side arcade and was man-handled by all the Thai Ladyboys. It is actually a little bit scary because there are so many of them and they grab you and try to force you to sit down but I managed to bust my way out of them and make it back to Bangla Rd.

I'm not sure what the exact time was but I decided to quickly go back to the hotel and check for any signs of them. When I arrived back in the room and was disappointed to find no one, I decided to leave a note for them in case they were looking for me. If I was sober at this point I would have assessed the situation and narrowed the boys' current whereabouts to a predominantly Western nightclub, which was close and I had yet to find. But because I was drunk I decided to repeat my previous actions and continue to look in the clubs I already had been in. I did this probably twice more, going into everyone of these clubs, having a drink and then moving on. At the end of each cycle I would come back to the hotel room and check for any reply to my letter.

About 230AM
After about my third or possibly fourth cycle, I was shocked to find two of our three beds occupied in our room. There were no girls in the beds which also surprised me.
"Bird is that you?"
"yeah"
"Where the fuck were you guys?? Did you read my note and find the gimp hat I left for you?? Where are the others??"
"Jnr is sitting with some Russian bitch on a wall at the beach, I have no idea where Ant is."
Bird and Sully were both tired and a bit perturbed and did not look they were keen to get up and join my search for the other two, so I left and went solo.

I was still very surprised about Jnr's current status and was also still very keen to find a slut for myself. My standards were lowering with every passing minute so I treked on down to the beach to see if I could pull off a miracle and find at least one of the two. The beach was fucking dodgy; filled with locals trying to sell you drugs, fireworks and their sisters, prostitutes, and also lots of young, drunken revellers like myself. The view from the beach was amazing; it is a very long stretch of coast (a couple of kms) with white sand, enclosed at both ends with land coming out at both ends (I don't know what you call it, a bay??). The moon was also very bright, it just felt so amazing. I searched all through the beach without even a sign of JC "the Smooth Operator", I came to some limestone wall at the end so I followed it up away from the water. As I looked up about 40 metres in front of me was a group of drunken people centered around this skinny looking girl and taller more muscular guy, I made my way towards them as they all turned and stared at me.

"Do you know this guy (dodgy russian accent)?"
".....Holy Shit! Dutch, WTF?!?"
LOL! I had finally found Jnr and he was hooking up with this pretty hot Russian. He was shocked that the dodgy looking guy walking out from the shadows was actually me. The first time we had seen each other in about 5-6 hours. I tried to talk to Jnr but he was clearly more interested in smutting Exxxxxx Rxxxxxx (she's gonna get a shock if she ever Googles her name). I talked to their Russian friends, they were nice, tried to make headway with one of Evgenia's friends but seems she was more interested in conversation than the things that I wanted to do with her, I just wasn't willing to put in that effort to get her to that stage. Eventually the Russians left for their hotel as I headed back to Bangla Rd to find the remaining member of our group.

330 - 4AM
I looked everywhere for Sandy but no luck. Everyone was starting to head home so I decided to cut my losses and head home for some much needed rest. Phuket Beach Rd was fairly quiet now, as I looked up I noticed a couple walking in the same direction as me, about 15metres in front. Jnr...fuck! It was Jnr and his Russian, they already thought I was a bit creepy after I appeared by myself from the shadows on the beach, I didn't want to confirm their perceptions by following them back to the hotel. I had to keep hiding behind buildings n shit so they wouldn't notice me following them. I hid behind one and this old lady started talking to me, then two ladyboys grabbed me, this was intense. Either get raped by Ladyboy's or creep the fuck out of Jnr and his Russian! I held for another 10 seconds or so but was forced to break free and sprint across the other side of the road.

I broke their strong man-like grips on my arms and just ran for it in my thongs, they were fucking strong and quick too. Everyone was watching, Jnr and the Russian, startled by all the commotion turned around to see what was going on. L O L.
"DUTCH?? ....Run Dutch they're gaining on you!"
They were so much faster than me running in thongs, they kept chasing me but luckily the crafty Dutchman who has been chased many-a-time, managed to get away. So I walked back to the hotel with Jnr and his girl (awkward) and then went to bed.

4-430AM
The door knocked.
"Knock, knock" (that's what a door knock sounds like).
I was expecting Noonty or possibly the hotel staff to complain to us for being drunken yobbos when we first arrived but this I was not expecting..... Jnr and Russian. Jnr needed some CDs (understandable). Pretty sure Bird and Sully were pissed off for the disturbance.

5 MINUTES LATER
"Knock, knock."
......NOONTY!!! Hahaha it was the Punjabi Prince!
"Jnr is rooting some Russian bitch in my room so I'm staying the fuck away from there!"
"Do you wanna go for a walk?"
"Yes."
So I had finally rendezvoused with every single one of the team finally after 7 hours. Ant and I were still pretty pumped. Noonty told me about his crazy night as we went back to some Slovakian girls apartment and things got steamy. Very interesting night indeed. Basically the two of us went to the beach with some QLD boys who were carrying around one of those foam eskies of random chick drinks. We all got smashed on the beach and bought fuckloads of fireworks. Noonty has videos of this :)

Eventually we called it a night at about 630 in the morning after such a random night. I later found out that the four of them found this sick, westerner nightclub on Bangla Rd right after I left them all that time ago, and spent the whole night there. Every night was like this whilst I was there for my 8 nights, it was fucking sick, so many more crazy and controversial stories, we all had a blast (even if there was a bit of tension at times), Ant took a fuck load of pictures and best of all..... WE'RE GOING BACK ON SEPTEMBER 27!!!!! Possibly with a couple more people, Jnr is out due to work commitments which is a shame as he adds a different dynamic to the group. Don't worry Jnr, there will be more trips like this while we are all still young!

HH back in business

Europe!

The time has come to finally make the great journey to the continent where medieval stuff actually took place (swords and castles and stuff). As it's usually a bitch to get this sort of event organised, I thought I'd get proceeding rolling. So far, by the sounds of thing, we've already had a few disappointing responses from members of the hills community, with Jim's excuse quite obviously being a cover up for him basically being married and finding that the whip has a very sharp sting. That leaves a small number of possible candidates from the HillsHood section of society who are keen and interested in this upcoming adventure. I for one am dead keen to get this locked in, as it will give me something to look forward to while driving haul trucks (surely one of the world's most boring jobs, just ask Trav) as well as allowing plenty of time for my leave to be booked in for, which is critical for getting time off it seems. Trav has also expressed a high level of interest, and while I can never be sure with Diji, it appears he is also planning to hop along for the ride. This leaves space for possible inclusions such as Lodge, who has also expressed an interest in travelling to the Northern Hemisphere once again.

Anyway, I have been doing a fair bit of research into the subject, and while I can't see the future, I believe that the dates I have used for scoping and costing are pretty decent, as they are during the uni break and mean that I only have to take 1 swing off to achieve the time outlined below.

Anyway we shall start off with flights, as they are a pretty critical part of the trip. Currently the best flights are with Malaysian airlines, which from memory aren't too bad an airline. The total cost for flights to London and back ends up being just under $1800 which is outlined below. The dates I have selected are mostly to allow myself to get back from site, sleep and pack before departing, while also arriving in London at the start of a day, which saves on a night's accommodation. The return trip is also from London, and gets back to Perth at 3pm on the Tuesday.

 

There are obviously other options with flights, like air Asia, which can be quite cheap if you buy your tickets in segments, although there isn't as much certainty about the flight times, losing baggage and you don't get meals or luggage included in the flight costs. In saying that, air Asia's premium class have beds and all the perks of the standard airlines first class at a similar cost to that of flying Qantas ($2000). I have looked at this as it would be good to get some sleep done on the flight, but the days which air Asia fly to Paris are not very suited to the dates I was looking at.

Anyway, onto the next topic, the holiday itself….

I propose we undertake a Contiki, as this takes care of all the accommodation and a lot of meals and travel for the trip. It will also stick us with other young'uns to make sure we aren't trying to kill each other by the end of the trip. Below is the dates and costs of one of the Contiki's which I feel would be rather swell. http://contiki.com.au/tours/119-european-impressions/itinerary

The price shown above can be reduced by around 200 bucks if we book before the 23^rd of December this year, and if the general consensus is to change the dates, Cathay pacific are offering a deal up until the 23^rd of December for flights until the 18^th of June to be 1689 return from Perth.

Anyway the Contiki trip is up for debate, both where it goes, how long to do it for, and there are other things like bus about, which gives you a bit more freedom for where you go which I haven't had a good look at yet.

Using the 18 day contiki as a guide, there is a 2-3 day gap in the UK at the start, and 3 days at the end, which can be used for a bit relaxation. Alternately we could choose a different Contiki and spend a few days in the Greek islands before heading home.

 

Hills Hood - The End?

The title pretty much sums up this post; Hills Hood is done. Only a few noble members of the illustrious Hills Hood street gang even view this site, let alone contribute to it. What was once a thriving and lively online community, is a now a dull and uneventful snapshot of what used to be. This hurts me deeply, as I was a proud Hood representative who felt honoured to be a part of such a great group of talented individuals (and animal). The demise of the Hills Hood has been a gradual process. I have tried often to keep the HH spirit alive but it seems my efforts have fallen on deaf ears. I see no point in living out this fantasy any longer. HILLS HOOD IS DONE!

Many of the Hills Hood originals now have romantic interests in their lives. Such a committment seems too overpowering for even the sacred waters of Hidden Creek to withstand. Whether or not Wedge will take place in a couple of weeks is irrelevant. It is obvious, through the passage of time, that the fire which once burned within everyone of us, and bound us together, has burnt out. This is the end of Hills Hood. Goodbye and God bless.

Yours sincerely,
Dutch (Former Hood boy)

Spring + Hidden Creek = Girls (Kalgoorlie Cup special)

I hate Winter so thank fuck it's nearly over! Only 12 more days of this shit left after today, then it's Spring, and Kal Cup time. So all the good shit starts once Winter finishes i.e. Kal Cup, Thailand, Wedge, Hidden Creek, good weather etc. Hidden Creek season pretty much coincides with the end of Winter; some people even refer to Spring as HCS (Hidden Creek Season). I know I do, at least I will now.

So Kalgoorlie Cup '10 is on September the 18th, it's going to be a big weekend for all parties involved. Last year Goat only saw a couple of hours of sunlight during the eventful weekend, the poor kid had come down with Bear-itis. It's a tragic disease which affects all of us at one stage or another. Anyway, I doubt that our favourite farm animal will come down with the virus anytime soon, and he is very keen to make up for last year's lack of activity. Good on ya bro.

Kalgoorlie Cup always makes for a very messy, loose weekend; this year will be no exception. Even more so because there is going to be 20 - 30 people staying in the one house (maybe it's two). The drive there and back will be shit, Bird will be DJ-ing and Jim will be eating dirty, seafood subs which will make for an interesting combination. One of the major talking points of this year's trip has been Goat and his recent pimpage and anti-Jewness. Will he continue this carefree and reckless trend? I think so. I am really look forward to seeing Goat and the crew in action, in a town where anything goes...except for stealing kegs, that is a no-no! However, if Trav does go down that path once again, it must be filmed. Junior has also pulled out due to work commitments.



I am driving down on Thursday, Bird has shotgun, Jim has a guaranteed spot if he wants. Goat can come if he brings a girl.

Curtin Oktoberfest has been cancelled, I am really pissed off. Very controversial. We will have to find a proxy to fill in for this absence on the calendar.

Hidden Creek AGM is coming up again, probably sometime after Kal Cup when everyone is present. Export will be provided, strippers possibly.

Thailand is next on the agenda in late October. This will be very, insanely crazy especially the first night! Mum has warned me about the men whom look like ladies, this is a very frightening reality. So no Thai girls PERIOD.

Wedge is going to happen towards the end of the year and this one is going to be a bigg'un.
Definites:
- Myself
- Trav
- Bird
- Goat (semi-Jew, but no longer Jew)
- Lodge
- Jim
- Biggles

Likelys:
- Jane
- Laura

Possibles:
- Junior (for the tenth time)
- Ant
- Beck
- John (could be anyone)




Pretty much the only reason I go to Wedge.




Wedge only takes like 25 minutes to get to from Lancelin now, so no more random two hour bush-bashing expeditions.

The Rise and Rise of the 'Ultra Pimp'

So it is well overdue for a blog on the hillshood site. Some members are letting their fellow members down with false promises of blogs since February. Not naming any names... T-man. This blog chronicles the rise of a certain member, from the elegantly termed ‘Oompa Loompas’ to the equally elegant term ‘Ultra Pimp’ status.

Years and years ago in what seems like a distant past, a young man (with a particularly red neck) was gallivanting around the beautiful hub of Perth, Northbridge. He was a man that had yet acquired the taste of a good woman. He was on the prowl searching for a woman who would be up to the challenge. What he didn’t know was that he’d get more than he bargained for. He stumbled across the striking Deen dance floor and seemed to have made a connection with a particular girl. It was one for the ages, a momentous ‘eye f*****g’, his eyes were nearly popping out of his head.

She was moving: check, she was drunk: check, she has breasts: check. All three of the prerequisites were well and truly covered. So he casually moved closer in for a more detailed inspection. She notices this, and also moves closer. Before he knows it their hands are all over each other, grinding with the disregard of a rugby league player. He eventually ends up passionately, and intimately embracing her and all of her ‘inner’ beauty (it had to be inner because it sure wasn’t outer). While this is happening we all stand in disbelief about what has happened in what seemed like 2 seconds. A member of the illustrious Hillshood had reached new lows, hit rock bottom. We concluded that we would let it pass this time, but if it happened again we would be obliged to hold an intervention. Subsequently it would happen numerous times since. We never got around to that intervention… The most interesting case nearly ended up in a ‘St. Kilda’ like rape with an indigenous fellow by the stylish name of Garry.

Well enough about the past, as they say you learn from failures rather than success. In that case he’s a very wise man. I for one cannot judge as I’ve had similar if not a worse case of the deteriorative, degenerate disease of ‘Oompa Loompitice,’ I’m quite Rusty. Moving on a few years, in a distant mining town about 600.88 kms from Perth, he has begun dating a rather attractive young lady. This came out of nowhere cause he met her on the Garry night so what he did to impress her beats me and most probably himself. One thing that is certain once he got this female, he was going to do everything in his power to keep her thus maintain his new found status of ‘Ultra Pimp’. Examples of this are; going on a romantic getaway instead of seeing Thai ladies shoot ping pong balls out of a certain orifice (similar to Senior), no longer ‘JJI’; he saves himself for the intimate moment when the sheets are pulled over (similar to a particular furry farm animal), and finally showing his extremely brute, masculine side by getting reported in footy. What he’s doing seems to be working because he is now the envy of all of the fellow members. I myself look up to him and often find myself thinking ‘what would he do’. I ask for tips but he says ‘it just comes natural’ thus leaving me feeling despondent. But I also know that I cannot compare myself to such an ‘Ultra Pimp,’ levels of this magnitude of pimpage have only ever been achieved before by Wilt Chamberlain and Jeff Brown; two gods of the Pimp game. I’ve included a before and after pic below as evidence to prove the levels of improvement.

Before:

After:

I’ll conclude by saying, if she says she's into bondage, don't show her your financial portfolio, God Bless and Good Luck.