Phuket - The first night

October 23rd 2010
5:30PM
We're landing in 40 minutes, we all start to wake up. Our first trip together outside of Australia without any parents, just the boys. We all start getting excited, Sully starts f*cking around with everyone's tv screens on the back of the seats, we're all so buzzed. We look out the windows and see islands covered with lush vegetation, lovely turquoise water. Holy shit we're nearly in Thailand! Haha. We touchdown just after 6PM, it is overcast, warm and humid. We can't wait to get to the hotel.

It takes a little while to find pens to fill in our arrival cards, get through customs fine without any jittery moments like I experienced in Perth (just the usual dropping all my shit everywhere, hitting my knee on the conveyor belt, trying to take my belt off without my shorts falling down). We're through customs and officially in Phuket, we're so fucking ecstatic! Okay, this is where Mr Organised (Ant), starts to kick arse and show us how valuable an asset he is at getting shit sorted (unlike someone like myself who leaves everything to the last minute).

At the front of the airport it is chaotic, however, Ant finds the taxi driver easily, we chuck our shit in the back and jump in the van. Fuck Yeah! At this time the sun has just set and we only have about 10 minutes before it gets dark. If you have been anywhere in south-east Asia who are obviously familiar with their crazy, erratic driving and their lack of respect for road rules, like I care if he drives on the wrong side of the highway. We all start talking about what the hell is going to happen tonight...will we encounter any women?...if so how many?...do they sell Long Island Iced Teas?...and am I going to do something stupid and end up in Jail? Bird gives us some tips as he had already been to Patong before a couple of years prior, with a former romance.

I am very carsick like always and I am starting to get a little apprehensive. My mum, dad, brother and practically everyone else I know told me before I came "Scott, just don't go wondering off by yourself like you always do and like you did in Europe, just stay with your friends and you'll be fine." We finally get into Patong Beach, HOLY FUCK! The beach is gorgeous, there are lights, noise and people everwhere and fireworks are going off every 5 seconds.This is going to be a really lively night!

Vodka Bar out the front of Ban Thai

7:30PM
BanThai mother fucker! We're there, right on the beach, in our hotel, the atmosphere is so electric. Ant sorts everything out at the reception and somehow Bird, Sully and my room has been upgraded to a deluxe suite for the night! Team meeting - Ant and Jnr go to your room, get ready then come to ours and we'll head out, okay locked in. So we walk to our room across this pool and as we do we pass a few nice sheilas....predator mode has started. We get to our pimped room and start going nuts: strip down and put on robes, jump on beds, throwing shit and general shouting.

8PM
Ant & Jnr rock up to our room "What the fuck???? How much have you guys had!" We were so buzzed we hadn't even drank anything just started going crazy and throwing all the beds everywhere. We start smashing down Ant's duty-free black-label Johnnie Walker, we drink a fair bit then head out. Grab pizza at pizza shop next to maccas, then go to vodka bar out the front of Bat Thai and start drinking the one and only Long Island Iced Teas.

Cobblas

9PM
Fireworks are going off everywhere, locals trying to sell us everything from chicken porn to cocaine and there seems to be some attractive women around. We go walking for a bit checking out the scenery, eventually we find the coolest road ever, Bangla Rd.

Busy on Bangla!

Bangla Road is basically the main road in Patong where everything happens. There are locals everywhere trying to sell you everything and anything, endless amounts of nightclubs and bars, and tourists like us everywhere. We walk up and down checking it out and eventually decide to get a drink at the Aussie Bar. More LIITs but eventually we start to get pissed off at each other because we still haven't found a nightclub. We leave and decide to go looking for nightclubs again.

We walk to the end of Bangla Road with no obvious ideas of where we are going to go. At the very end of Bangla Road is a pub called "Rock City" (basically like the Newport in Freo). We go in there, realise that it is in fact not a nightclub but start to drink a bit more and get a bit looser. Eventually we leave, a little disappointed and walk back down Bangla Road, left onto Phuket Beach Road passed our hotel and then turn around and back the way we came.

Where the hell are we going guys??

Everyone starts arguing with each other and clearly getting pissed off because we haven't found a nightclub yet. Ant suggests a nightclub from a flyer/ticket that he was given by a club promoter on Bangla Rd earlier on. I'm not sure if the others actually agreed with him, I don't remember what was said otherwise my night might have been a lot easier.

We start walking up, pushing threw crowds of people on Bangla Rd again when I decide to shake things up a bit. It went something like this.
"I'm going back to the hotel to freshen up. I'll meet up with you guys later."
"But you won't be able to find us??" (very good point)
And then I left...

I briskly walked back to the hotel, got back to the room to freshen up and then thought to myself. "What do I do now?!?"
In these situations (which occur quite regularly), I always start by consuming some alcohol or energy drinks to clear my mind. There was still a bit of Black label left on the side table so I had a swig. The alcohol helped to clear my mind (or at least increase my confidence). My power began to surge, my veins flowed with pure energy, I started to power up and the windows started to shake! I used this power to teleport back out the front of the hotel and my hunt began.

Close to 11PM
I hustled back up Phuket Beach Road with my newly found energy (intoxicated) and quickly found a nightclub. Banana Bar Discoteque - I eagerly made my way in and looked for any signs of the boys, no luck, so I downed another smokey or two. I rounded the corner to Bangla Road and quickly located another nightclub. White Party! What a club. About the size of my bedroom and the drinks there are very suspect. Still no sign. Down the next side arcades I fought through the ladyboys and found an escalator which gave me hope. I was so confident this was the place. My journey was about to end....or was it?? Yes! No! Hollywood Patong Discoteque (please speak to Anant if you want to know what this club is like). It was chaotic. The nightclub was big and comparable with the likes of Metros Freo (only one story though), the drinks were good also, however, I wasn't sure how to proceed in this situation. The nightclub was packed and the ratio of women to guys was favourable. Some of the guys there were older and perhaps seedier; the women were predominantly Thai but with some Chinese and other south-east Asian tourists. I did consider staying here for a bit but I was confident that I wouldn't find the others here and I was having trouble fending off all the unwanted attention from the Thai women. I couldn't even have a drink by myself so I had to leave before I got myself into something too deep. I left and looked everywhere on Bangla Rd. I went down every single little side arcade and was man-handled by all the Thai Ladyboys. It is actually a little bit scary because there are so many of them and they grab you and try to force you to sit down but I managed to bust my way out of them and make it back to Bangla Rd.

Seduction without me :(

I'm not sure what the exact time was but I decided to quickly go back to the hotel and check for any signs of them. When I arrived back in the room and was disappointed to find no one, I decided to leave a note for them in case they were looking for me. If I was sober at this point I would have assessed the situation and narrowed the crew's current whereabouts to a predominantly Western nightclub, which was close and I had yet to find. But because I was drunk I decided to repeat my previous actions and continue to look in the clubs I already had been in. I did this probably twice more, going into Banana Bar, Whiteroom & Hollywood; having a drink and then moving on. At the end of each cycle I would come back to the hotel room and check for any reply to my letter.

About 230AM
After about my third or possibly fourth cycle, I was shocked to find two of our three beds occupied in our room. There were no ladies in the beds which also surprised me (ladies as in love interests, not prostitutes or similar).
"Bird is that you?"
"yeah"
"Where the f*ck were you guys?? Did you read my note and find the gimp hat I left for you?? Where are the others??"
"Jnr is sitting with some Russian  on a wall at the beach, I have no idea where Ant is."
Bird and Sully were both tired and a bit perturbed and did not look they were keen to get up and join my search for the other two, so I left and went solo.

I was still very surprised about Jnr's current status and was also still very keen to see if there was a lovely woman out there for myself. My standards were lowering with every passing minute so I trekked on down to the beach to see if I could pull off a miracle and find at least one of the two. The beach was dodgy: filled with locals trying to sell you drugs, fireworks and their sisters, prostitutes, and also lots of young, drunken revellers like myself. The view from the beach was amazing: it is a very long stretch of coast (a couple of kms) with white sand, enclosed at both ends with land coming out at both ends (I don't know what you call it, a bay??). The moon was also very bright, it just felt so amazing. I searched all through the beach without even a sign of JC "the Smooth Operator", I came to some limestone wall at the end so I followed it up away from the water. As I looked up about 40 metres in front of me was a group of drunken people centered around this skinny, young woman and taller more muscular guy, I made my way towards them as they all turned and stared at me.

"Do you know this guy (dodgy russian accent)?"
".....Holy Shit! Dutch, WTF?!?"
LOL! I had finally found Jnr and he was with a young, attractive Russian woman. He was shocked that the dodgy looking guy walking out from the shadows was actually me. The first time we had seen each other in about 5-6 hours. I tried to talk to Jnr but he was clearly more interested in his new friend, Evgenia. I talked to their Russian friends, they were nice, tried to make headway with one of Evgenia's friends but seems she was more interested in conversation than anything else - I was disappointed. Eventually the Russians left for their hotel as I headed back to Bangla Rd to find the remaining member of our group.

330 - 4AM
I looked everywhere for Sandy but no luck. Everyone was starting to head home so I decided to cut my losses and head home for some much needed rest. Phuket Beach Rd was fairly quiet now, as I looked up I noticed a couple walking in the same direction as me, about 15metres in front. Jnr...fuck! It was Jnr and the Russian, they already thought I was a bit creepy after I appeared by myself from the shadows on the beach, I didn't want to confirm their perceptions by following them back to the hotel. I had to keep hiding behind buildings and down alleyways so they wouldn't notice me following them. I hid behind one and this old lady started talking to me, then two ladyboys grabbed me, this was intense. Either get raped by Ladyboy's or creep the fuck out of Jnr and his Russian! I held for another 10 seconds or so but was forced to break free and sprint across the other side of the road.

I broke their strong man-like grips on my arms and just ran for it in my thongs, they were really strong and quick too. Everyone was watching. Jnr and the Russian, startled by all the commotion turned around to see what was going on.
"DUTCH???? ....Run Dutch they're gaining on you!"
They were so much faster than me running in thongs, they kept chasing me but luckily the crafty Dutchman who has been chased many-a-time, managed to get away. So I walked back to the hotel with Jnr and his female acquaintance (awkward) and then went to bed.

4-430AM
The door knocked.
"Knock, knock" (that's what a door knock sounds like).
I was expecting Noonty or possibly the hotel staff to complain to us for being drunken yobbos when we first arrived but this I was not expecting..... Jnr and Russian. Jnr was looking for something. Pretty sure Bird and Sully were pissed off for the disturbance.

5 MINUTES LATER
"Knock, knock."
......Noonty?? Hahaha it was the Punjabi Prince!
"My room is occupied so I don't really want to go in there right now."
"Do you wanna go for a walk?"
"Yes."
So I had finally rendezvoused with every single one of the team finally after 7 hours. Ant and I were still pretty pumped. Noonty told me about his crazy night as he had been drinking all night and had met some very interesting people. Basically the two of us went for a walk and ended up at the beach, drinking with a few rugby guys from QLD. They had a foam esky filled with ice and pre-mixed drinks (UDL's, Smirnoffs etc). We kept drinking and paying for fireworks as almost everyone in Patong had disappeared and headed off to sleep.

Punji enjoying a barrel

Eventually we called it a night at about 630 in the morning. I later found out that the four of them had spent most of the night at a nightclub at the top of Bangla Rd: it was called "Seduction". The irony was that I found a promo card in my wallet for this nightclub. We had all received one early on in the night but I had never connected the dots and never would have guessed that this was where the other four would have been. I learnt my lesson and the remaining seven nights (13? for the others), I spent at Seduction with Sull, Bird, Jnr and Noonty. These were all enjoyable nights and I will never forget them.

To be continued.